Married to Master, Part 5: Submission and Feminism

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Good Morning Friends,

Happy New Year’s! I hope you all are resting with your loved ones, noshing on great food, and staying warm (or cool) out there. Today, Elena and I are going to discuss feminism and how it impacts submission in our marriages. The truth is, every female-bodied person experiences pressure to be a feminist on some level. Society has risen up in the past few decades to declare how women should be, versus how they were in the past. I have had my own experiences with this first hand. It all began when I “came out” to my mother.

My mother and father were actual hippies as 20-somethings growing up during the 1960’s. While America was going to war in Vietnam, my parents marched on their college campus, smoking pot, and declaring that the world needs more love and less hate. My parents went to Woodstock and had long hair and bell bottom jeans. My parents messed around at parties and loved the concept of “free love”. That is, until my mother decided it was time that they settled down and get married. Then my parents shed their hippie ways and “grew up”. My father went to work in a suit and my mother became a stay at home mom.

Fast forward to a few years ago.

My mother and I had gone through a long, tumultuous relationship for nearly a decade after her and my dad divorced. But deep down, I wanted my mom to know who I am at this point in my life. I wanted her to see that while, yes… I am a vegan-cooking, earthy, crunchy, creative, hippie-esque woman… I’m also a bit more traditional too.

“So, let me get this straight” she said, sitting across from my husband and I, sipping from her “Vote Hillary” mug, “you want traditional gender roles?”. I glanced at my husband and then nodded to her. “But why??” she blurted out, “I mean, no offense, but if a man ever told me what to do I would be out the door!”. It was the start of many conversations we would have about being a feminist and being a submissive, (because you can be both!).

I. What Society Wants Women to Be: 

When the #MeToo movement broke out several years ago, I remember reading it in the news at a glance. At first I didn’t think much of it. Of course I supported the courageous women who came forward to speak of their encounters with high-profile celebrities that had taken advantage and sexually abused them. But it wasn’t until normal, ordinary women began coming forward to share their own experiences, that I saw a wave of female empowerment that likened to the 1960’s. I was stunned at how many women experience sexual abuse and exploitation. As a result of this new surge in feminist equality, women were pushed into the spotlight once more, declaring the right for equal rights just the same as men.

This new movement thrust women into a new role where we are looked down upon by other females lest we want something different. A divide began to form with women who were ultra-religious and firmly wanted traditional gender roles in their marriage, versus women who marched with pink hats, (my mother included), shouting that we needed more women in office. I watched all of this unfold and furrowed my brow. You see, the truth is that I don’t fit into either radical side. I’m somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.

II. What Being a Feminist Really Means: 

If I’m keeping it real, I’m not that religious at all. I prefer spirituality and doing a smorgasbord of spiritual practices. I like some jazzed up worship music, but I prefer listening to a Buddhist lecture over a sermon. I like to cleanse my space with a smudge stick, and I toss salt over my shoulder. I like traditional gender roles because it fits well with my D/s relationship, not because the Christian Bible deems it so. But I also believe in equality for all people. I don’t care if you identify as male, female, transitioning, unsure, etc. If you’re alive, then you should have equal rights to everyone else. To me, it’s that simple. And in my mind, that is what feminism really means:

Feminism: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. (Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

I am a supporter of equality for all people regardless of sexual identification or orientation. People are people. Love is love.

III. Embracing Your Submission While Supporting Feminism: 

So, I am a feminist and I am a submissive. I prefer serving my husband by caring for the home and raising our daughter, while he goes off to work during the week. And as strange as it may seem, for us, it gives a natural order to things. Perhaps this is because in Filipino culture, it is common for women to remain in the home to care for the children, cook, and clean. By staying home and taking care of our tiny “nest” I am able to meet his needs. I cook him delicious meals. I make sure our home remains tidy, and I homeschool our daughter with pride.

But I am also treated as his treasure.

Just as I love, nurture, and serve him, so too does he love, support, and guide me. It is a symbiotic relationship where we both feel like we have a voice, and an opinion. We make time to allow each other to really share our innermost thoughts. We “hold space” by practicing active listening, which fosters deep respect. Sure, we squabble like every other couple out there. But on the normal day to day basis… I do feel equal to him, even though he has my heart in the palm of his hand. By having such a warm, respectful relationship I’m able to embrace both my submission and my feminism.

IV. The Beginning and the End is Consent: 

At the end of the day, my friends, it all comes down to consent. Those high profile celebrities got in trouble with the law because they didn’t get consent before acting upon their desires. They didn’t view these women as equals, and therefore acted inappropriately and unconscionably. It all boils down to consent. Your dominant will always seek your consent before agreeing to anything with you. This is the healthy mark of every BDSM relationship. You do have power as the submissive. It is your body, mind, and heart. You surrender control voluntarily. It should never be taken away from you. Why? Because you are equal to every other person out there. Never forget that. 

Alright, my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Have a wonderful New Year’s and stay safe!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

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