Day 4 of The Dominant’s Den: The Importance of Play as a Dominant

The Dominant's Den

Good Afternoon Friends!

Welcome back to “The Dominant’s Den” series. Over this 31 day journey, it is my hope that you find ways to incorporate gentle guidance, love, and self-care into your own D/s relationship. Today we’re going to talk about play as it pertains to being a dominant. So often in the Cg/l world we discuss making space for your Little or submissive to play. Get down on the floor and play with them. Snuggle up with your submissive and take in a movie. Go out on the town and enjoy each other’s company. And while all of those activities are important, YOU as the dominant need to make space for your own kind of play. Are you ready to explore this with me? Then, let’s dive in.

I. Oh, Don’t Be So Serious: 

When Fifty Shades of Grey was published I remember eagerly lining up at my bookstore. I had my 20 dollar bill in hand, ready to delve into what I thought was a true depiction of how a D/s relationship worked. Admittedly, I enjoyed the series back then. But if we’re keeping things humble, open, and transparent around here…. Christian Grey is not a good definition of a healthy dominant! The movies are hot, but they’re nothing more than Hollywood fiction of what vanilla people think D/s is all about. Dominants are portrayed as being so… serious! You’re expected to be firm, rigid, and tough because without being serious you cannot possibly control your submissive, right? Wrong!

There are many ways for you to dominate and guide your sub without losing your sense of humor. The first piece of advice is to laugh. Go ahead and laugh! Guiding your submissive from a place of love and kindness automatically makes room for laughter and fun. Much of the time it all begins with you. Have you ever giggled during sex? It’s amazing! First, you get a fit of the giggles. Then your partner begins giggling. Those muscles “south of the border” clench up, and it’s game on all over again. And if your submissive happens to be a Little, well…. then there are a million ways to be silly and light-hearted all at the same time. Now don’t misunderstand me, there will be times when you need to enforce your relationship rules as the dominant, and there will be times when your conversations are more intense. But I urge you to step away from the media stereotypes of what a dominant “should be”, and simply be who you are (giggles and all). 😉

II. Put an Injection of Fun into All That You Do: 

It is my wish for you, dominants, that you never stop using your own imaginations. Your submissive is attracted to you for a million different reasons. Remember to keep things fun. While you’re showering with your partner, sculpt their hair into playful designs. Text each other silly memes during the day while you’re apart. Rock out to fun music in the car. Try a new food or restaurant together. Just as I encourage all Littles and submissives to remain curious, so too do I also encourage you to do the same. Surprise your submissive with a spontaneous play session, or a road trip to somewhere fun. By keeping things fun you never lose that spark that brought you two together. (And your Little will certainly be head-over-heels happy with daily adventures).

III. Make Space for Self-Care to Be a Better Dominant: 

Just as I am on my own journey of self-care, my friends, I encourage you to do the same. You absolutely, positively, cannot take care of your submissive if you aren’t taking care of yourself. And I’m not talking about just getting 8 hours of sleep. I encourage you to eat smart and well. Cook those healthy dishes. Your body will feel satiated and your blood sugar won’t spike while you’re paying attention to your sub. Eating healthy will also keep you in prime shape for all of those “extracurricular activities” that you two enjoy doing together. But self-care isn’t only about eating well. It’s also about your mind. I’ve written on here the importance of controlling your temper. Never discipline your submissive if/when you’re angry. Now I urge you to make space for some quiet time as a dominant. Take time for yourself. Go for a walk or take a hike. Meditate or simply close your eyes. The more centered and in control you feel individually, the stronger you will be to come together with your partner.

My last tip of advice to you is to make space for physical self-care. You owe it to yourself to view your body as a temple. Exercise. Workout and keep yourself healthy and limber. Find a workout that works best for your body. If you need modifications or have mobility restrictions, honor them. Choose workouts that are gentle and easy on your joints. (Swimming and gentle yoga are excellent choices). Recumbent bikes are also fantastic for those wishing to get back in shape slowly. Make space to groom your body. Submissives always talk about their weight and their looks. We are viewed as our dominant’s treasure, therefore it is expected that we maintain a certain level of appeal in our master’s eye. However, the rule also applies to you dominants! Take time to groom your facial hair. Choose a hairstyle that impresses your partner. Spruce up a little for a play session, and wear clothing that flatters your body. It doesn’t matter how tall, short, fluffy, or thin you are… there is clothing for everyone to make you look dapper and fabulous. Go for it! ❤

IV. Daily Gentle Guidance Exercise: Cloud Watching 

Today your daily gentle guidance exercise is to go cloud watching with your submissive. When was the last time that you went cloud watching? The clouds are always there, and yet most of us never stop to take a look at them. Today I challenge you to tuck your cell phone into your pocket, and just look up. Let your imagination bubble to the surface of your mind. See pictures beyond the clouds. What does the cloud overhead look like? Which direction is it going? Can you see it moving across the sky? If you can’t step outside for a moment, head to a window and peer out from there. Make space to be quiet and let your mind roam. Beginning to flex your imagination as a dominant will help you guide your submissive to do the same. I hope you both have loads of fun slowing things down, and just connecting under the sky. 🙂

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here later tonight!

Much love,

~Kitten xx


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