Good Morning Friends,
I hope you all are having a lovely Tuesday. As we kick things off here, this morning Elena and I are diving into part 9 of the “Married to Master” series, a collaboration that has brought to light so many issues that many D/s couples face. If you missed some of the previous posts, here’s a look back at the topics we discussed:
- Part 1: Choosing Your Own Style of Submission and the Power of Consent
- Part 2: Rules and Protocol
- Part 3: Appearance and Attire… aka “Sub Threads”
- Part 4: Punishments and Behavior Modification
- Part 5: Submission and Feminism
- Part 6: What’s in a Name?
- Part 7: Developing Your D/s Lingo and Language as a Couple
- Part 8: D/s in the Bedroom and Our Favorite Toys
Alright, now that we’re caught up, today I’d like to pass the blog-mic over to my Daddy. My husband is typically the quiet one between us two. He has an infectious smile, and loves to tell cheesy jokes. He is a music-junkie like me, and in true Filipino fashion, he absolutely loves to dance! He is warm, gentle, and extremely hospitable. He is also the quiet strength behind all that I do. So thank you, my love, for the countless hours you spend editing, uploading, and doing all of the technical things for here, our books, and our YouTube videos. Ikaw ang lahat sa akin. (You are my everything). And I love you.
** To read more of my Daddy’s thoughts, please hop over to his blog, smash that follow button, and show him some love! **
Now, let’s dive into the interview! 🙂
I. Background History:
1. Did you grow up in a home where traditional gender roles were present? If so, how were they demonstrated?
I grew up in a very traditional home. My dad was the head of the household, called the ‘haligi ng tahanan’ (walls of the house). It’s expected in Filipino culture that the man is in charge. My dad is the primary breadwinner and controlled finances. Anything that needed to be bought had to be cleared by him. My mom would cook his favorite dishes and would give him massages when he got home from work. In turn, my dad loved, protected and provided for her. My mom is the ‘ilaw ng tahanan’ (light of the house). She cared for our home, and raised us, her children. It’s a very traditional setup and for a good part of my childhood it worked very well. Of course, it all changed when my dad passed when I was about 12. Since then, mom had to step up in a lot of responsibilities.
2. Before you got married, did you have an idea of the type of husband that you wanted to become?
Yes, I figured I would be more or less like how my dad was. I was going to be the head of household and the breadwinner. I wanted to love and protect my wife and provide for my kid or kids. I have always thought the world worked that way and family is very important in Filipino culture. Now, while it’s not completely the same, there’s a lot of similarity in our relationship. I love that we have traditional gender roles. Being a dominant really was like fitting on a glove that already feels familiar to my hand.
3. When was your first interaction with domination and what was that experience like?
My first interaction with domination was when my wife (Kitten) brought it up with me. She had just met a dominant and introduced her to it and it fascinated her. I got curious and wanted to learn more. It took me a while to get in my stride and quite a bit of learning curve. I made a lot of mistakes along the way and it took a lot of re-educating myself and my mindset to realize the habits that I had that wouldn’t fit our new dynamic. I realized the things I was doing wrong and had to be mindful to not repeat them. It took Kitten and I having lots of heart to heart conversations and practicing gentle communication in order to really form a relationship that works for us.
4. What was one resource (online or print) that you found beneficial in your journey into BDSM?
Is it pandering if I answer Kitten’s website (littlepennyberry.com) and her books? *smirks* Other than that, books like Dom’s Guide to BDSM by Matthew Larocco and Advanced Dom’s Guide to Submissive Training by Elizabeth Cramer were some of the books I read in order to learn more. There’s good information out there, but more importantly, I try to be careful not to shape my style of dominance according to mass media or film. Those don’t feel right to me.
5. Who was one role model or masculine figure that you looked up to growing up?
One is definitely my dad. He shaped who I would be like as a husband and father. Other than him…maybe Leonidas? I like how brave and protective he is of his family and countrymen. For TV, I like the character of Jeremy from the TV show Bitten. He protects his pack to the best of his ability. It helps that I am a big fan of werewolves/worgen.
6. Do you believe that domination and masculinity should go hand in hand? Why or why not?
To an extent, it does. In my opinion, certain aspects of masculinity are ideal in domination. Being assertive, protective and confident are traits that are desirable in a dominant. Your submissive puts her trust in you to be able to take care of her. Without those qualities I mentioned, you wouldn’t be able to earn that trust. I know that with Kitten and I, she responds the best when I step up to be the man of the house. I’m sure that in some other relationships, the dynamic is different and that’s okay too.
II. Life as a Dominant:
1. Was there a moment when you realized what type of dominant you are? And if so, please describe in detail what that moment was or how it came to be.
For me, I think it was a natural progression. I’ve always grown up being close to kids. As a young child, I would always be protective of my cousins who were close to my age. I would be the one that the grown ups would rely on to be able to get everyone home safe and sound after playing outside for hours. As I grew into a teenager, I ended up being the one to babysit my younger cousins. I think these experiences helped me learn techniques and ways to tap into my inner child. So when the opportunity came for me to explore domination, I gravitated towards being a Daddy. I knew I already possessed a lot of the traits that a Daddy had and it was a good fit.
2. Some dominants take on multiple submissives for various roles in their life. Have you ever considered this? Why or why not, and do you believe that dominants should exercise the ability to have a harem?
No, and I don’t have a desire to. Simple reason is that it takes a village to raise a Little! =) Kidding aside, I’m the type of person who believes that in order to really do something well, I need to dedicate myself fully to it. Taking on another or more submissives would mean having to divide my time and affection. I don’t think that would do those relationships justice to do that. Now, in the context of a swinging play session, that could be something Kitten and I would consider.
3. When you were designing your rules for me, what were your primary objectives and do you think that your rules have been beneficial in my development as your submissive?
My primary objectives have always been for your growth and improvement as a person. It’s designed to help achieve your goals and to make us closer as a D/s couple. I believe that our rules have helped us a lot. In all the years we’ve been together, our communication has been much better and we’re able to voice emotions and thoughts without fear of reprisal. The trust between us have gone stronger since we both know how to act and speak in a manner that we know will please the other.
4. What has been the most rewarding aspect about being a dominant?
The most rewarding aspects is the tremendous increase in trust between us, the increase in intimacy and fulfillment of our relationship. Being a D/s couple keeps things interesting and allows our goals to be aligned with each other since we’ve gotten so in sync.
5. What has been the most challenging aspect about being a dominant?
The most challenging times are when I am just exhausted or sick. Being a dominant takes a lot of energy and sometimes after a hard day at work or being emotionally down, it’s hard to keep the same level that is required of me as a dominant. During those times, Kitten has been amazing in stepping up as a tag team partner and rowing the boat as I recuperate.
6. Are there any areas where would you like to work on yourself, as my dominant?
Definitely. Nobody’s perfect and every relationship has its ups and downs. Sometimes when I’m not feeling well, I don’t respond well when Kitten gets feisty. When in fact, she’s just being a Kitten and being true to her nature. I’m still working on educating and experimenting on different styles of domination that Kitten and I want to try and experience.
III. Domination in the Bedroom:
1. How do you feel your role as a dominant comes out during intimacy?
I feel that being the dominant has put me in a unique position to be able to control the play session or scene. I get to be the director and actor at the same time. It’s exciting and very satisfying. I like knowing that I control your pleasure!
2. What is one kink that you’re excited to explore more as D/s with me?
I’m excited to explore more impact play and primal play with you!
3. Is there one toy or tool that makes you feel empowered as a dominant? If so, what is it?
The crop is my favorite because it allows us to play with the fine line between pain and pleasure. Ever since you had expressed your interest in masochism, it is definitely high up on the list of play sessions I want to do more with you.
4. Is there one toy you wish we had? What is it and why?
Oh boy, I think it would be really fun to have access to a Saint Andrew’s Cross…it’s not very practical to have one in our tiny home. But! I’m just saying that if we had one, we could have some fun with it. Other than that, I would just love to get a sex sofa.
IV. Punishments and FUNishments:
1. Was it difficult to find a beneficial punishment for me when we were establishing our D/s relationship? And if so, what was the most difficult aspect?
It was at first, only because you’re such a good girl and you don’t need much punishment! It really is nice to see you so willing to please and obey me. As a Daddy, I’m always inclined to spoil the ever living heck out of you as my Little. But there are times when I have to punish you for your own good. The most difficult part was shifting from a mindset of being a husband whose conflict resolution has to be plenty of talking with you as my wife, to being your dominant who lovingly punishes you for your own good.
2. Have you had to shift punishments along our journey as D/s? If so, why?
Oh yes. We grow constantly as people and our tastes vary and change. It’s true even with punishment. I remember I used to use lengthy lectures and rants to remind you of what you did wrong using stern language. But that took a toll in both our mental health. It was not good and I had to adapt. For a while, spanking worked as a punishment but it evolved into a FUNishment (see below). Now, we’ve settled into a gentle but no less effective time out punishment.
3. Do you enjoy bratting? If so, please share why you’re drawn to it.
I understand that some couple enjoy bratting. However, I prefer not to incorporate it into our relationship. It’s simple really, we’re always trying to promote gentle communication between each other and I believe bratting is on a different path from what I want to tread on. Simple teasing is fine in small doses but I’ve never been a fan of name-calling. It probably stems from my childhood, growing up I’ve experienced what excessive name-calling and bullying did to my peers so I’ve resolved never to condone or practice it. But again, each relationship is different so to each their own.
4. What is your stance on FUNishments (or creating a punishment but something that intended to arouse, entice, and humor both parties)? Have you ever implemented a FUNishment or wanted to? If so, what was your favorite?
I love FUNishments! That’s FUN in the title, how can I not? For us, spankings have evolved into a fun little activity we do when we’re feeling playful and feisty. It’s really one of my favorites. Another fun one we do is “torturous” tickling which I like to do when you’re being playful. The last one I do that is fun is I get bold and daring when we’re out in public and try to touch you intimately without anyone noticing. The thrill of almost being caught is exciting.