Day 8 of The Dominant’s Den: Learning to Be Consistent with Discipline

The Dominant's Den

Good Afternoon Friends!

This afternoon we are diving into discipline, and how critical it is for every dominant to remain consistent when implementing discipline in your relationship. Let’s face it, even the best subs can put a “toe over the line” every now and then. 😉 As such, we need consistent discipline and today we’re going to dissect how to remain an effective leader when you need to correct your sub’s behavior. Are you ready to explore this with me? Then, let’s dive in!

I. If You Give a Sub an Inch…:

Ask my Daddy if I’m a good girl, and it’s likely that he’ll say yes. But the truth is, that even the most obedient submissives get curious from time to time about being punished and disciplined. It’s only natural as human beings to test the limits and explore where the borders and boundaries are in a relationship. It’s important that, as the dominant, you have punishments in place to follow through with, when your sub breaks a rule. Now I need to pause here and remind everyone that D/s relationship rules should be based around three main concepts:

  • The rules uplift the submissive to help them achieve their own personal goals.
  • The rules help the submissive maintain healthy habits for their overall well-being.
  • The rules guide the submissive to provide the best service for the dominant.

Do you know the children’s book, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie….”? It’s one of my favorites. In it, the boy quickly learns that a simple cookie wouldn’t suffice for the mouse. The mouse saw the cookie and all of a sudden wanted milk. The mouse kept pushing and pushing throughout the book until things were a ginormous mess! Submissives can have the tendency to push and push if they are not monitored. In your power exchange, your submissive will be looking to you to prove that you won’t let them push the boundaries. They need your guidance to keep to their tasks and to help them thrive. It’s why they sought a dominant in the first place. 😊

II. Set Your Limits and Keep to Them:

When you’re designing a daily schedule for your sub, there will be many things to think about. You want to make your tasks realistic and achievable. You want to set up your submissive for success. You want to uplift, nurture, and guide them into feeling positive and happy with your connection and as individuals. This means that you both need to sit down and consent to what the limits are within your relationship. Make rules that you both agree upon. Provide structure that you know your sub is struggling to have without you. Once everything is in place, be consistent!

Now I might be placing my head on the chopping block here with my Daddy, but when you live with someone (especially for years), you learn how to push each other’s buttons. You know what to do to make your partner swoon, or become angry. You know how to twist things just so to get your way in a disagreement. We all learn these things. But it’s important as the dominant to learn to read your sub’s body language well. Call them out if they are being manipulative. Remind them that YOU are in control, and not them. As such, what you say, goes. You both agreed upon the rules and the exchange of power. Now they need to respect and abide by it. It can be difficult at times, but as we all know… it’s so worth it.

III. Discipline and Punishment are Always Intended for Positive Behavior Modification:

The last piece of advice I wanted to give you is to remember the purpose of punishment and discipline. In the world of BDSM, punishment and discipline are used in a variety of ways. There are extreme bondage play sessions. There are dungeon parties where public spankings are given. But in a D/s relationship, where you are incorporating gentle guidance and discipline, punishment should only be used to correct negative behavior, and inspire your submissive to turn things around. It should never be used against your sub. And you should certainly never discipline your sub when you’re angry. If your submissive is acting out, have non-corporal punishment in place that you can use immediately (whether you’re angry or not). My Daddy has only used time out on me once. One time in all of these years. Why? It was so effective on me that now, I stop myself before I verbally snap at him. I don’t want to be put in a corner to be silent. I don’t want to be disconnected from him whether we’re having a disagreement or not. I hate that feeling.

Come up with a discipline plan that you both consent to. Have a plan in place that you can use that doesn’t involve spankings (O.T.K. or otherwise), or any other form of physical contact. You want the focus of your discipline to resonate with your sub, and get them to respond with positive behavior. Spanking, whipping, flogging, etc. doesn’t always achieve that goal. Sometimes you need to sit down and gently communicate with your sub. Ask them why they are upset and are acting out. Use compassionate communication to actively and empathetically listen, while still being able to communicate your own feelings clearly. It may take time for you to develop this new pattern of guidance, but I promise you that it is effective.

IV. Gentle Guidance Exercise: Create a Chores, Rewards, and Punishment Chart:

Today’s daily gentle guidance exercise is to create a chores and task chart with your submissive. I encourage you to create a chart that is very clear with instructions. You don’t want your submissive second guessing how you’d like things to be done. Outline what daily tasks you have for them. Give them a deeper incentive by posting what rewards they can earn by completing their tasks. (Note: Rewards does not always mean money or items. You can also reward them with a massage, a bubble bath, a walk to the park to play on the playground, a movie night of their choice, etc. Get creative with non-monetary rewards!).

If your submissive is a Little, use stickers on the chart. Your local dollar store is a great place to pick up items to make your chart together. Let your sub pick out stickers, stamping markers, or glitter pens for you to check off each daily task. Make it as colorful and fun as you’d like. But don’t forget to also include an area or discussion where you outline the punishment IF your submissive fails to complete a task. You want to always remain in control within your dynamic. I know you can do this! 😊

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you all back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx


    1. Hi Nora, I’m chiming in since Kitten is currently afk. Yes we do! I generally make it a point not to overuse the technique because doing that would lessen the impact when she does need correction. I’ve found there are really two ways that we use spankings in our relationship.

      Kitten has talked about previously about what we call “FUNishments”. From our many talks, I know that part of her enjoys a certain degree of pain to evoke pleasure. Spankings play a role there and I usually denote what kind of spanking it would be by the tone of my voice. If I was being playful and using a soft voice, she knows that it’s a FUNishment, aimed to toe the line between pain and pleasure.

      On the other hand, when my tone is strong and firm, she knows that the spanking is meant to be a physical means to correct her behavior. This let’s her know that I’m serious and it grabs her attention immediately. I’ve only had to do this a handful (hah pun!) of times because she is very obedient and she loves to please me. We appreciate your question and I hope you’re having a wonderful night! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for the thoughtful reply, Captain! And, pleased to make your acquaintance. I greatly enjoy following your kitten here on WordPress and am impressed by the dynamic that the two of you share. Very inspiring!

        Liked by 2 people

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