Day 9 of The Dominant’s Den: How to Safely Financially Control Your Submissive

The Dominant's Den

Good Evening Friends,

It’s Day 9 of The Dominant’s Den, and tonight we’re going to talk about money. Money, money, money. We come into the world learning about money from a very early age. From playing with fake Monopoly money to hearing songs about: “Price Tag”, “Bills, Bills, Bills”, and “Gold Digger” we are inundated with the idea of earning money on a daily basis. We dream about having millions to be able to own everything we desire. We see celebrities in flashy cars crooning about life in the fast lane. Then, we grow into adults and we begin working. Life rapidly changes but society screams at us to work hard and become financially independent. And while this is important, tonight we’re going to discuss taking control of your submissive’s finances in a safe and healthy way. Are you ready to explore this form of domination with me? Then, let’s dive in.

Disclaimer: Financial control should never be exerted unless both parties consent and are fully aware of the ramifications.

I. Teach Your Sub Frugal Life Skills:Β 

While there are D/s arrangements out there where a person specifically wants their Master/Mistress to financially dominate them, tonight we’re going to focus on taking gentle control of the finances in a closed, monogamous D/s relationship. When guiding your sub financially, a great way to begin is to teach your submissive how to be thrifty with money. In the world of D/s there are far too many social media posts and forums projecting sugar daddy arrangements, and images of subs being spoiled rotten. Look, I’m all for getting pampered, but it’s also important that your sub values your money. So, my first piece of advice is to teach them frugal life skills. Here are some of my favorites:

  • Have then shop for items that they want, but to find them on sale. Hit up those clearance racks!
  • Shop generic instead of name brands.
  • Clip coupons for snacks and treats at the store.
  • Shop second-hand or at consignment shops. There are TONS of name brand items there at a fraction of the price.
  • Eat vegetarian to reduce food costs.
  • Do all of your errands in one car trip to save on gasoline.
  • Try doing a date night on a Groupon or pick one of these $5 dates!

II. Giving Your Sub an Allowance:Β 

Another way to gently exert control over your submissive’s finances is to create a weekly or monthly allowance for them. Sit down and plan out your budget together. Then, set aside a little money every month for your sub to use at their discretion. This will give them a sense of freedom while still keeping you, the dominant, in control. Many littles love to shop and having an allowance is a great way to weave in dates together. You can go to the store to “adopt” a new plushie together, or take in a new movie at the cinema. If your sub is a bit of a shop-aholic, this will be especially helpful. Keep tabs on the money in the account, or create a separate account where you can deposit their allowance into it. At the end of the day, your sub wants you to care for, guide, and nurture them. And that might mean surrendering over control of their money too.

III. Budgeting for Your D/s Lifestyle:Β 

Now, I don’t know about you, but when it comes to the cost of some sex toys and sex furniture, I tend to cringe a bit. It can get expensive! However, no fun time makes people grumpy and bored (hehe!), so I encourage you to lead your submissive into budgeting for your D/s lifestyle. The Captain and I love to sit down and make a “Wish List” of all the toys and furniture we want to buy in the future. The price doesn’t matter. If we desire it, we put it on the list. Then, we begin organizing the list from cheapest to the most expensive items. We already operate out of a very clean, monthly budget. We know where our money goes and how much we need to set aside for fun. But we also set a small reserve aside for our D/s lifestyle, and this might be a great tool for you too!

Think about the items you’ll need for your D/s lifestyle. Would you like to purchase onesies for your little? Do you desire a uniform or chest harness for your slave? Would you like some bondage gear or sex toys? Perhaps you want to create your own dungeon with special furniture right in your home? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, begin setting aside small amounts of money each month to fund your D/s funsies. πŸ™‚Β This will not only fuel and motivate you to save, but it will also excite you and your partner for the fun times ahead!

IV. Daily Gentle Guidance Exercise: Help Your Sub Create a Needs vs. Wants List:Β 

Tonight’s daily gentle guidance activity is one that my Daddy has taught me over the years. I’ll admit that Amazon and I have a close relationship. I love browsing Amazon to see what deals are happening. I make wish lists and swoon at the many books that pop up on the bestsellers lists. But, Daddy taught me that while I can make a zillion lists… I have to know the difference between a need and a want. If I have a need, then he will step in and make sure that it is purchased and I am provided for. But if the item is a want, it gets moved onto the wish list. If we have the funds available that month to purchase it after everything has been paid, fine. However, all of the needs (bills, food, water, etc.) must be paid first. This is a life skill that is important for everyone to learn. πŸ™‚

Tonight I challenge you to sit down with your sub. Have them browse their favorite sites and make a list of needs versus wants. See what items they need to truly enhance their life on a day to day basis. Then, have them make a list of items that they want. They’ll enjoy shopping, and you’ll learn more about their personal tastes! Have fun bonding together as you guide your sub.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here and I will see you all back here in the morning for Tiny Talk Tuesday!

Much love,

~Kitten xx


  1. Interesting post! πŸ™‚ This brings the issue of findommes (financial dommes) to mind; what’s your take on those, if I may ask? I follow a few on Instagram, and it just makes me a bit sad when some still fall to the scheme (given that there are a lot of other prudent things to do with one’s money.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Monch! An excellent question and I’m glad you’ve brought this to light. I, too, have seen findommes out there and personally it makes me cringe. While I am very careful not to kink-shame, I just think there is too much that can go wrong with this type of domination. From what I’ve seen and read, people can get blackmailed, scammed, and threatened out of their hard-earned money. And for the submissives, this is a very real kink. They want their finances controlled, and there is no shame in that. It’s just that… unless your dominant is your actual life partner or someone you know and deeply trust… I wouldn’t ever recommend trusting your wealth to a stranger like that. Just my two cents! πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your response! πŸ™‚ I, for one, would also want to be under a findomme if (and only if) I trust her – and most importantly, if she’ll make my money grow through stock investments hahaha! =))

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Nora! It’s my pleasure. Money can be such a delicate topic to discuss, but it’s my hope in this post that other D/s couples open their minds to the idea of gentle financial domination. As always though, everyone should do what they feel is best. I hope you have a terrific Tuesday! πŸ™‚ xx

      Liked by 1 person

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