Day 10 of The Dominant’s Den: Creating a Once a Month “Check Up” on Your D/s Relationship [FREE Printable]

The Dominant's Den

Good Evening Friends,

It’s Day 10 of The Dominant’s Den, and it’s different from the usual posts you will see here. For first time ever I, Captain Taliron Quinn, will be taking the wheel for tonight’s post since Kitten is currently under strict bed rest recovering from a cold. One of Kitten and I’s goals this year is for me to step out from behind the scenes more often and offer my thoughts and views, as her dominant to all of you, our wonderful friends.

When I was a child, the thought of going to the doctor’s office for a “physical check up” was very daunting. The doctor asked lots of questions and poked and prodded my body in order to examine me to make sure I was healthy. It wasn’t a fun experience having this adult tap my knee with a mallet like a judge rendering a sentence or having my mouth propped open by a Popsicle stick. It’s even worse when it’s time to get your shots! I don’t think anyone is ever a fan of those needles. I had to endure these for a promise of candy by the end of it, and I fell for it every single time.

Now as an adult, while I’m still not the biggest fan of check ups, I have come to appreciate its importance in keeping my body healthy. Just like our physical health, it’s important to do periodic check ups on our D/s relationship to make sure it stays healthy. Are you ready to explore this important practice with me? Then, let’s hoist the sails and cast off.

I. Pushing Past the “Busyness” of Life

Life gets busy. One of the things that define adulthood is the onset of more and more responsibilities. There’s work to be done, bills to be paid, chores to be done and people to care for. The list goes on and on. In all of these, it’s easy to find yourself pressed for time. If we’re not careful, it becomes very easy to wear ourselves ragged and neglect our relationships. I’ve found that the best way to stay connected with Kitten is to really prioritize spending time with her. Just like all the other responsibilities adults handle, our D/s relationship needs to be given high priority.

I create a daily tasks email for Kitten in order for us to stay on the same page every single day. It’s something that takes me about 5-10 minutes to craft and send off to her right before I dive in to my work.  This allows her to compose her thoughts and send a reply back to me. I am then able to read and digest her thoughts and feelings when work slows down.  It’s quick and simple and allows us to stay connected throughout the busy work week. Here are some more examples of techniques you can use stay connected while busy:

  • Have your submissive start a journal to write down thoughts that you can read at the end of the day. You can write back to her on the same journal that she can read afterwards.
  • Play simple games like “Would you rather?” or “Paint me a picture” over text or IM.
  • Be descriptive in how you are feeling. Is work hard? How so? Was it boring? Tell her about that hilarious incident that occurred by the water cooler. Did you accidentally burn toast? Was kiddo driving you up the wall with a million questions? Your partner will appreciate having a pulse on your day.
  • Leave surprise love notes for your partner. Tack it in their lunch bag, let them know you’re rooting for “Team Mommy/Daddy” or cut up some fruit, stick it in the fridge with a note that says “A sliced apple a day keeps the trolls away”. Make your partner smile even when life gets busy.

II. Bridging the Long Distance

Distance is hard…no, distance sucks! Kitten and I were a long distance couple for about six months before we got together. Being long distance posed a different set of challenges we had to face. Unlike couples who were physically close, we couldn’t end the day in each other’s arms. We couldn’t enjoy the physical intimacy of a hug or a kiss. In this dynamic, it becomes even more important to keep in touch and check on each other.  Feelings of anxiety and insecurity can crop up much more easily when the distance is great between you as a couple.

The way to make sure you stay connected is to always re-assure each other of how you feel. Never assume that the other person knows that you are thinking of them. Unless you are both mind readers, make sure to tell them how much you actually miss them. Even now that Kitten and I are married, there are times work would send me out of town and we would be apart for a period of time. It sucks, but we’ve learned how to communicate better. Here are some examples of how you can bridge the distance between you and your long distance partner:

  • Send texts to your partner describing how you are feeling. Use emojis, funny gifs or memes to make each other laugh throughout the day.
  • Always say good morning to start the day, and always say good night in order to frame the mindset of your partner before they sleep.
  • Let them know if you will be in the middle of something for a period of time. Saying “I will be driving to the conference now, talk to you when I get there” goes a long way than just going silent for hours.
  • Send an email or text detailing your day, paint your partner a picture of what you experienced so that they feel connected.
  • If possible, do a video chat. If not, send them a short video just to say “hi” or show them an awesome or funny misspelled sign you found.

III. Growing in the Same Direction

One of the inevitable things is life is change. We all do it. Our body physically changes from childhood to adulthood. It’s not uncommon for our thoughts, our tastes, interests, and passions to change over time. I remember once upon a time, I was into collecting tons of “Magic” cards to play with my friends. I even had a phase where I was really determined to own the most expensive sports cars. As adults, it’s fascinating to look back at just how much you’ve changed over the years. It’s important to realize that your partner is the same way. Over the time you’ve shared as a D/s couple, both of you will likely have changed in some aspect. Perhaps there were some things that you once classified as hard limits that you are now open to experimenting with. Or perhaps an experience you had, opened your mind to new possibilities.This is why it’s vital to sit down with your partner and revisit your rules and maybe amend your relationship contract.

IV. Daily Gentle Guidance Exercise

With that in mind, Kitten and I created a special printable for tonight’s daily gentle guidance exercise. Tonight’s printable is a check up form to be completed by you and your partner. This printable is divided into five sections aimed to cover major aspects of your well being. These five sections include: Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Spiritual, and Creative. Having a well-rounded pulse on your partner, allows you to not only guide them and connect on a deeper level. We hope you and your partner enjoy completing this printable and making space for meaningful conversation.

Alright my friends, on behalf of Kitten and I, that’s it for tonight’s post. We hope you enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let us know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and we will see you back here tomorrow morning for the next topic! And as always, fair winds to you all

Much love,

Captain Quinn

**To get your free printable, CLICK HERE**

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