Our M/s Journey, Part 1: You’re a Little AND a Slave… How Does That Work?

tortoisehare

Good Morning Friends,

It’s 6 am on the dot, it’s freezing cold, but these words just sit on my heart. It was time to begin this series. As I laid next to my husband chatting last night he mused, “when is the best time to discuss words of the heart?”. I paused for a long moment. “Now” I said, and here I am. As the post title suggests, I am an adult little and a voluntary slave. Yes, I’m that “rare bird” who sits at opposite ends of the spectrum. Yet, the underlying thread between the two is submission. Normally, I ask if you’re ready to dive in with me. But in all honesty, I’m just glad you’re here reading. πŸ™‚ So, thank you! And you’re awesome. ❀

I. The BDSM Story of The Tortoise and the Hare:Β 

I should have seen it coming. It was inevitable, really, but at the time I just couldn’t look far enough ahead to see the actions of my consequences. Nearly five years ago I dove head first into the world of BDSM. At the time I was with my husband, when a man on our mutual game had scoped me out to be his submissive. With my husbands consent, he and I began chatting. With him living in Seoul and I living in the U.S., time was limited but still we spoke quite a bit. But things were a struggle. The relationship fizzled and I broke it off. You can read more about that here, if you’d like. However, that experience was like tasting dessert for the very first time. I had walked through a new door and learned that I am a submissive, and I was married to a “vanilla” man. “Now what?” I wondered to myself.

In true Kitten-fashion I began researching. I’ll admit that I’m the nerdy girl in the corner of the library with stacks and stacks of books around her just researching and learning for the fun of discovering. Yeah, that’s me (lol). I had gotten a taste of what a D/s relationship could be, and I wanted to know more. I had to know more. It was an itch that had to be scratched. I had no clue if I would ever have another dominant, or what the future held for me, but I wasn’t afraid to leap off the cliff and find out. So, I read. And read. And watched videos. And hopped on social media and began talking to people in the lifestyle. πŸ™‚ I even used “Curious Cat” (the anonymous question app within Twitter) to ask BDSM veterans their opinion on things as I was learning then…. all while I was studying.

My wings began to take shape and as I learned more, I found myself drawn to being a Little. I had to tell my husband. When we sat down together I remember him telling me that he wanted to be my Daddy. We gave it a try. For several years we made a go at it only to realize that while I was still learning…. he was not. Oh, how agitated I would get reading, talking, exploring, discovering, wearing lifestyle clothing, and yet, he was back there still being his wonderful, amazing, loving normal-vanilla self! So, we peacefully uncoupled as a D/s couple and went back to being that “normal couple”.

But does it really work that way? No, not really.

I was the Hare and he was the Tortoise. We were running the race of self-discovery at completely different paces, and while I was miles ahead leaping up and down, aching for him to be at my level of knowledge, he was on his own journey. I just couldn’t see it at the time.

II. Learning is a Process:Β 

Time went on. I was yearning to be dominated. I was writing about being a Little, but in the quiet of my home (back then) I was putting myself into Little Space. I was initiating play sessions. I wanted more. I needed more. I wanted that thrilling “I’m going to tell you what to do” experience that would render me speechless. (Which is an amazing feat by the way because when I’m comfortable and relaxed… I can talk! Hehe!). So, I found another wonderful dominant. For 6 months we were together, both on our own journeys. I had left the race of the Tortoise and the Hare and wandered off into a nearby field. The Tortoise was still quietly working on himself… learning new things… talking to people on his own, and becoming the dominant he is today.

And while I didn’t realize it then, I was on my own journey to becoming a better submissive. I learned (with the help of this ex-dominant) that I had to learn patience, and a lot of it! I needed to exercise more care, but most importantly, I had to learn how to truly surrender power. He was the lion and I was the hare. I was scrappy and quick, smart and feisty. And everytime I would push, he would lay his paw upon my back pinning me down to the ground. He stood his ground, and finally… finally… I knelt before him. I surrendered power and learned the error of my ways. Through love and patience he shaped and molded my heart as a submissive. While the relationship didn’t last, I will forever be grateful to him for the journey we spent together because it took a lion to truly tame my wild heart. ❀

III. Finding the Path Again:Β 

I came out of the bushes and onto the race track again. Except this time my loving Tortoise wasn’t miles behind me. In fact, he was beside me. We spoke at length about everything we had learned while we weren’t together as a D/s couple. I had no clue how much work he had put into himself. He didn’t realize that I was changing too. We smiled at each other. Evolving as a person is a strange, and beautiful thing. The connections we form with people are so precious and help us learn more about who we are, and the things we desire. “I’m not just a teddy bear of a dominant” he said calmly, but there was strength behind his tone. A strength that wasn’t there before. He was sure of himself and who he was now. “Well… I’m not just a Little” I said, nodding to him as we locked eyes. He took my hand and told me how he had been researching and diving into M/s on his own. He found himself wanting to be more of a Master while still remaining compassionate like a Daddy. It was time to begin again.

IV. Moving Past the Finish Line:Β 

So we began again, the Captain and I, except this time I didn’t feel the need to be a speedy hare and I didn’t see him as a slow tortoise. He was now a leader, a dominant… a Captain. We kept experimenting together, finding a delicate balance of M/s and Dd/lg. This series is going to go in depth as to how we make it all work. But as we crossed over the “finish line” I looked at him and smiled. There never really is a “finish line” in a relationship. Not really. It’s just a new chapter. A chance to explore something new together. A time to test out new waters, see what works and what doesn’t. So, in the words of my Captain: hoist the sails and let’s heave away.

I hope you all enjoy this series! πŸ˜‰ ❀

Much love,

~Kitten xx

9 comments

  1. I enjoyed reading more about your journey, Penny Berry! It sounds like you have experienced a lot of self-growth on this journey, and that the Captain has as well. I am curious how your former Dominant (Daddy C) fits into this timeline. Was there a point where you and the Captain were not engaged in D/s, or were you serving two Dominants? I hope it isn’t too forward to be asking and please feel free to delete this comment if it is too personal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Nora! Hehe no worries at all. We’re an open book here. At the time that I was with Daddy C, the Captain was learning on his own. Of course we were still quite close as a couple, and he had consented to Daddy C and I being together, but submitting and surrendering power at that time was for Daddy C. While I have seen some subs have two dominants, after much discussion between the three of us, it simply wasn’t an option.

      There was a period where the Captain and I weren’t engaged in D/s hardly at all, and that was the most difficult “lull” in our relationship because for me I needed that. And deep down, he was learning that he wanted it too, but he needed to find out who he wanted to be as a dominant first.

      Being married and having a dominant outside of my marriage was an interesting experience. πŸ™‚ I’m not going to say it was easy, because it certainly wasn’t. But it was well worth every moment because I grew and learned so much along the way. Now, at this point in time, I think the Captain and I would only make connections couple to couple and “swing” for play sessions versus taking on full poly relationships. I hope I was clear in my response, hehe! Big hugs to you! ❀ xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for sharing so openly, Penny Berry! I am always curious about dynamics when a third party enters the scene, what the rules are, how it works day to day, etc. I think it is wonderful that your husband is able to give you what you both need. That is truly special ❀

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Danielle! It’s a common theme, I’ve found, among D/s couples where one journeys into the lifestyle first. πŸ™‚ I appreciate your support and lovely comments. They always make me smile. Have a beautiful day, my friend! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Girl I love this! It’s a constant learning adventure we find and you will never (and can never) know it all πŸ™‚ I got all those fuzzy feelings and ended up ambushing Wolfie, so I got the “what are you up to?” treatment. Do you think he knows me? Hehe. Sending big hugs to you both xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thank you, my friend! ❀ Hehe he certainly knows you well, and I'm happy to have sprinkled some glitter and fuzzy feelings over you! *big squeezes to you two too!!* πŸ™‚ xx

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