Good Morning Friends,
It’s 6 am on the dot, it’s freezing cold, but these words just sit on my heart. It was time to begin this series. As I laid next to my husband chatting last night he mused, “when is the best time to discuss words of the heart?”. I paused for a long moment. “Now” I said, and here I am. As the post title suggests, I am an adult little and a voluntary slave. Yes, I’m that “rare bird” who sits at opposite ends of the spectrum. Yet, the underlying thread between the two is submission. Normally, I ask if you’re ready to dive in with me. But in all honesty, I’m just glad you’re here reading. 🙂 So, thank you! And you’re awesome. ❤
I. The BDSM Story of The Tortoise and the Hare:
I should have seen it coming. It was inevitable, really, but at the time I just couldn’t look far enough ahead to see the actions of my consequences. Nearly five years ago I dove head first into the world of BDSM. At the time I was with my husband, when a man on our mutual game had scoped me out to be his submissive. With my husbands consent, he and I began chatting. With him living in Seoul and I living in the U.S., time was limited but still we spoke quite a bit. But things were a struggle. The relationship fizzled and I broke it off. You can read more about that here, if you’d like. However, that experience was like tasting dessert for the very first time. I had walked through a new door and learned that I am a submissive, and I was married to a “vanilla” man. “Now what?” I wondered to myself.
In true Kitten-fashion I began researching. I’ll admit that I’m the nerdy girl in the corner of the library with stacks and stacks of books around her just researching and learning for the fun of discovering. Yeah, that’s me (lol). I had gotten a taste of what a D/s relationship could be, and I wanted to know more. I had to know more. It was an itch that had to be scratched. I had no clue if I would ever have another dominant, or what the future held for me, but I wasn’t afraid to leap off the cliff and find out. So, I read. And read. And watched videos. And hopped on social media and began talking to people in the lifestyle. 🙂 I even used “Curious Cat” (the anonymous question app within Twitter) to ask BDSM veterans their opinion on things as I was learning then…. all while I was studying.
My wings began to take shape and as I learned more, I found myself drawn to being a Little. I had to tell my husband. When we sat down together I remember him telling me that he wanted to be my Daddy. We gave it a try. For several years we made a go at it only to realize that while I was still learning…. he was not. Oh, how agitated I would get reading, talking, exploring, discovering, wearing lifestyle clothing, and yet, he was back there still being his wonderful, amazing, loving normal-vanilla self! So, we peacefully uncoupled as a D/s couple and went back to being that “normal couple”.
But does it really work that way? No, not really.
I was the Hare and he was the Tortoise. We were running the race of self-discovery at completely different paces, and while I was miles ahead leaping up and down, aching for him to be at my level of knowledge, he was on his own journey. I just couldn’t see it at the time.
II. Learning is a Process:
Time went on. I was yearning to be dominated. I was writing about being a Little, but in the quiet of my home (back then) I was putting myself into Little Space. I was initiating play sessions. I wanted more. I needed more. I wanted that thrilling “I’m going to tell you what to do” experience that would render me speechless. (Which is an amazing feat by the way because when I’m comfortable and relaxed… I can talk! Hehe!). So, I found another wonderful dominant. For 6 months we were together, both on our own journeys. I had left the race of the Tortoise and the Hare and wandered off into a nearby field. The Tortoise was still quietly working on himself… learning new things… talking to people on his own, and becoming the dominant he is today.
And while I didn’t realize it then, I was on my own journey to becoming a better submissive. I learned (with the help of this ex-dominant) that I had to learn patience, and a lot of it! I needed to exercise more care, but most importantly, I had to learn how to truly surrender power. He was the lion and I was the hare. I was scrappy and quick, smart and feisty. And everytime I would push, he would lay his paw upon my back pinning me down to the ground. He stood his ground, and finally… finally… I knelt before him. I surrendered power and learned the error of my ways. Through love and patience he shaped and molded my heart as a submissive. While the relationship didn’t last, I will forever be grateful to him for the journey we spent together because it took a lion to truly tame my wild heart. ❤
III. Finding the Path Again:
I came out of the bushes and onto the race track again. Except this time my loving Tortoise wasn’t miles behind me. In fact, he was beside me. We spoke at length about everything we had learned while we weren’t together as a D/s couple. I had no clue how much work he had put into himself. He didn’t realize that I was changing too. We smiled at each other. Evolving as a person is a strange, and beautiful thing. The connections we form with people are so precious and help us learn more about who we are, and the things we desire. “I’m not just a teddy bear of a dominant” he said calmly, but there was strength behind his tone. A strength that wasn’t there before. He was sure of himself and who he was now. “Well… I’m not just a Little” I said, nodding to him as we locked eyes. He took my hand and told me how he had been researching and diving into M/s on his own. He found himself wanting to be more of a Master while still remaining compassionate like a Daddy. It was time to begin again.
IV. Moving Past the Finish Line:
So we began again, the Captain and I, except this time I didn’t feel the need to be a speedy hare and I didn’t see him as a slow tortoise. He was now a leader, a dominant… a Captain. We kept experimenting together, finding a delicate balance of M/s and Dd/lg. This series is going to go in depth as to how we make it all work. But as we crossed over the “finish line” I looked at him and smiled. There never really is a “finish line” in a relationship. Not really. It’s just a new chapter. A chance to explore something new together. A time to test out new waters, see what works and what doesn’t. So, in the words of my Captain: hoist the sails and let’s heave away.
I hope you all enjoy this series! 😉 ❤