Day 13 of The Dominant’s Den: What to Do When Your Little Has a Meltdown

The Dominant's Den

Good Evening Friends!

I hope you’re all having a wonderful weekend. Tonight we’re going to dive in and break down the basics of what to do when your Little has a meltdown. What should you do when your Little is having a tantrum? Should you spank them? Should you put them in time out? What’s the best course of action for your submissive? Let’s dive in and find out! 😉

I. Shifting into the Role of Caregiver: 

Did you know that the word care stems from the Gothic word, kara, which means “to lament”? I learned that recently from a book I read. But the word kara got me thinking about the role of dominants who are also caregivers. When you decide to enter into the Cg/l lifestyle, you are making the conscious choice to not only nurture and love your submissive, but to also empathize with your Little. When they feel pain, you feel pain. When they feel and express joy, you feel and express joy. It’s a bond so deep and intertwined, that to care-give means to also lament with your submissive. You are connected by the heart. This is the true heart of a caregiver– someone who feels and walks with another.

When your Little is having a meltdown (or losing emotional control), think about how they’re feeling. If they are angry, empathize with their anger. Even if it’s directed at you, try and understand why they feel so upset. Slow yourself down to study their emotions. Then, draw them close and tell them that you hear, see, and understand their feelings. Deep down, everyone just wants to be heard. Similarly, if your Little is grieving or feels sorrow… give them strength by sitting with them in their pain. You don’t have to tell that it will be okay. Life will move on, and they will be okay. But right then in that moment, sometimes it’s nice to have that person who can just hold you and say nothing. You are lamenting with them, and that is enough.

II. The Power of Physical Touch: 

When someone is upset or crying, especially someone that we care about, our automatic nature is to physically comfort the person. We give them a hug or pat their back. We sit next to them and offer them a tissue for their tears. Physical touch is in the fabric of our DNA to soothe and comfort each other. So, too, do you have it in you to take things one extra step when your Little is having a meltdown. My first piece of advice is to learn to swaddle your adult little. Have you ever wondered why EMT’s and hospitals wrap up patients when trauma happens? Being swaddled calms the central nervous system and helps reduce shock. Likewise, when your Little is angry or feeling anxious, gently begin to swaddle them. (Weighted blankets are an amazing alternative if swaddling is too much for your Little). Grab your little’s favorite throw blanket and begin to wrap it around them. You want the fabric snug around them like a burrito, but not too tight that they feel constricted. Once they’re swaddled, hold them in your arms to comfort and soothe them. This should help your Little calm down a lot.

III. Learning to Diffuse a Situation: 

Another piece of advice that I recommend is to learn how to diffuse a heated situation with your Little. Sometimes dominants think that when their little acts out that they need to “take control” over the situation and punish their submissive. But I’ve found that many times the best way to diffuse a heated situation is to meet the person with compassion. If your Little is angry and snapping at you, remain calm. I encourage you to fall silent and practice active listening. Really tune in and see why your Little is so upset. Give them plenty of eye contact so that they know that you are paying attention to them. Most people will calm down from shouting if no one is shouting back. As your Little begins to calm down, try and get them to work through their feelings by finding the root issue. Use words of encouragement to help your Little feel re-centered. You can say phrases, such as:

  • I understand what you’re saying and how you feel.
  • You know, now that you’ve told me how you feel, I’d really like to discuss this more together.
  • Thank you for opening up to me. It means a lot.
  • Let’s talk this through together, because I don’t want to see you upset all day.

By using gentle, compassionate communication with your Little, they will feel loved and supported to continue to open up with their feelings. You will have taken a situation that had the potential to blow up into an argument, and diffused it into a loving, supportive space for everyone to discuss their feelings.

IV. Daily Gentle Guidance Exercise: Learning to Swaddle Your Adult Little: 

Tonight I challenge you to cuddle your Little and swaddle them in a blanket. The act of swaddling is intended to simulate the womb. Think about how a womb gently hugs the growing baby. It’s warm, soft, and inviting. This is what you’re going to simulate with a giant blanket. Begin by wrapping the blanket around your Little. (You can completely tuck in your Little like the Japanese style “Otonamaki”, but I recommend leaving their head sticking out). Now, let’s swaddle your adult little! 🙂

adult-swaddling-620x350_620x350_71485936713

  1. Have your Little choose what type of sheet or blanket that they prefer to use.
  2. Spread the blanket flat on the floor like a diamond shape. Then, have your Little lay in the center of the blanket.
  3. Fold one side of the blanket over their body and tuck it into their side around the hip area.
  4. Repeat with the other side of the blanket, this time tucking it under their body as it will be wrapped up with the blanket.
  5. Finally, tuck the bottom of the blanket up to cover their feet. Place a pillow under your Little’s head to ensure that they are comfortable and…. tada! They are swaddled! 🙂

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

4 comments

  1. so much love for this. It can be really hard to be in a total child space feeling wise, without the ability to regulate, and without enough communication skills in that state to explain what is happening well. i never lost my ability to think/feel as a child. i’m also happy every day for no reason like a child. i love my weighted blanket that my Beloved got me for Christmas. i’m always touch hungry (she has very limited need for ongoing touch) and definitely can agree that touching during meltdowns can help me understand what she is saying. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Jade! 🙂 May you always keep your sense of wonder and joy. May you always be your most authentic self and keep tapping into your “Little Me”. ❤ Weighted blankets are simply wonderful. I can't wait to get one myself! Big hugs to you, and I hope you have a fabulous Saturday! xx

      Liked by 1 person

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