Day 20 of The Dominant’s Den: Creating a List of What You Need From Your Little

The Dominant's Den

Good Evening Friends,

Tonight I’m snuggled up under thick blankets in front of the heat dish. My mind drifts away back to my very first dominant. Back then, I was still discovering that I was a Little. The relationship was tumultuous at times, because I had no idea what was expected of me. I was tasked with being a submissive, but how I was supposed to serve? I was lost in the dark. I needed guidance. I needed a deeper understanding of the lifestyle. Inevitably I moved on from that relationship, and embarked on journey of my own to discover and explore what my path of submission would look like.

Tonight I’d like to dissect the importance of you creating a list of your needs as a dominant. So often we discuss what you, as the dominant, are supposed to do for your Little. Tonight, let’s flip the script. Let’s talk about YOU! What type of D/s relationship would you like to have? What makes you yearn to be a Caregiver, and how can your submissive best meet your needs? These are things we’re going to explore together. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in.

I. Laying Out What Kind of Service and Submission You Desire: 

A long time ago I wrote a blog post titled, “Questions to Ask Your Potential Dominant”. It’s quite the thorough list, and I encourage you to give it a read as food for thought. But tonight we’re going to look at a new set of questions that will give your submissive something to mull over. As the dominant, you’ll need to have an idea of what kind of submissive you’re looking for and what kind of service you require from them. The clearer you are with your sub, the better off your relationship will be. Now then, here are some questions to explore together as a couple:

  • What type of submissive are you seeking? A casual or part-time D/s relationship? A full-time 24/7 D/s relationship? An online-only D/s relationship? A platonic, non-sexual D/s relationship? A bedroom-only D/s relationship?
  • What type of submissive are you looking for?
  • If you’re drawn to the Cg/l lifestyle, what is it about being a Caregiver that appeals to you?
  • What can a Little/Middle/Adult Baby do to enrich your life?
  • How much time would you like to devote to your D/s relationship per week?

II. How to Mold Your Submissive to Meet Your Needs: 

So many times you’ll hear people reminding you, as the dominant, that your job is to:

  • Help your submissive reach their personal goals
  • Guide them to be the best person that they can be
  •  Help your submissive learn how they can best serve and meet your needs as their dominant.

Tonight let’s examine that last point. How can your submissive best serve your needs? Many dominants incorporate tasks that benefits both themselves and their submissive. Some of these tasks can include: cooking meals that the dominant enjoys, keeping a tidy home, sending risque texts or pictures while the dominant is at work, serving the dominant their favorite drink, giving the dominant a massage or oral sex, and more. Within the realm of Cg/l it isn’t unheard of for a Little to also serve their dominant. Yes, dominants assume the role of a caregiver, but littles love to please their daddy or mommy too. They can draw pictures to make them smile, snuggle up in bed together, cook special meals (complete with a smiley face), and lay out their clothes for the next day. Think about what YOU need from your submissive, and then have a deep conversation about it. You want to make sure that your needs are getting met in the relationship too.

III. Changing Your Sub Without Squashing Their Spirit: 

It’s a fine line to tow when guiding a sub. On one hand, you are tasked with pushing them towards their personal goals. On the other hand, you also need to be delicate to their emotional needs. As you’re implementing rules in place that will change and guide your submissive, I encourage you to remember what attracted you to them in the first place. If your submissive is naturally feisty, let them remain so. It’s a part of who they are. Even the most wild stallion can be guided onto the path. They just need patience, love, care, and daily guidance.

This is especially true for us, Littles. Littles are notorious for being tender hearted. We need rules, but also a tender hand. We need guidance, but also a well of understanding. You will notice that as you charge your sub with tasks to meet your needs, they will begin to change. They will adapt to the “new way of living” within your D/s relationship. Praise them for following your lead. But also keep a watchful eye that they never forget who they are as a person. It’s easy to get lost in the path of submission and to think that you’re only a submissive. Everyone is always an individual, no matter how long or short a relationship may be. Guard their heart and keep their roots anchored as you “give them wings to fly”.

IV. Daily Gentle Guidance Exercise: Making a List of Your Needs For Your Sub:

I love lists. In fact, I thrive on them! So, it’s no surprise that I had to wiggle a list-activity of sorts within these 30 days of gentle guidance exercises (lol). Tonight I challenge you to sit down and make a list of what you require from your submissive. What are your needs as a dominant? What do you wish to get out of a D/s relationship? Write it down! Did you know that when you write something down, that you’re much more likely to follow through with it? 🙂 Once your list is complete share it with your partner. Even if you’ve been together for a long time, your partner wants to know what your ever-flowing, ever-changing needs are. They will want to connect and dive into your mind as you grow together.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

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