How to Submit 101 Series, Part 1: It’s Not Supposed to Be Easy [Sunday Series]


Good Evening Friends,

I was talking to a friend, (not in the lifestyle), recently when they asked me, “how do you submit?”. I blinked and had to pause for a moment. Being a Little is simply who I am. In truth, I don’t really have to think about going into little space. I just do it. “What do you mean?” I asked, trying to understand what they were longing to know. “You said that you surrender power to your hubby” she said, “what does that actually mean?”. I began to smile. Ahhh, the age old question: what does submission actually mean? What does it look like? Previously I’ve written about the biblical stance of submission and how Proverbs 31 influences many women to feel the need to become more submissive.

Tonight we’re going to begin a new 5-part series, where every Sunday we explore that simple question: what does submission actually mean? How does one “submit” to their partner? In a world that proclaims genders to be equal, how does a relationship with a power dynamic work? In short, it isn’t easy! πŸ˜‰ But it’s not supposed to be easy. If submission was easy everyone would do it. Are you ready to explore this topic with me? Then, let’s dive in.

I. Everyday Isn’t Supposed to be That “Perfect Kinky Picture”:Β 

When people first enter the lifestyle, there is a common misconception that every moment with your sub or dom must be “on”. That you must be kinky, wild, and aroused. The truth is that no human being can be “on” every single moment of the day in any D/s relationship. We’re people with up’s and downs. Your service to your dominant will take all forms. I’ll share with you a funny story about how my service to the Captain took a strange, and hilarious turn one eventful night.

Several years ago it was the middle of the night. I had already gone to sleep when my husband came to bed and woke me up. My eyes shot open alarmed. “I’m sorry” he said whimpering and clutching his side, “Can you take me to the E.R.? Something’s really wrong…”. I went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat and was up out of the bed and scrambling into clothes. “I’ve got’chu babe…” I said soothingly and helped him into the car. Off to the hospital we went. With every speed bump or twist in the road I saw him wince in pain. My heart was thumping in my chest but I kept a steady, calm head. As we got him checked into the E.R. and back into a private area, the doctors came in and looked him over. “It’s kidney stones” they told me. I heaved a sigh of relief that it wasn’t anything more serious.

“We’re going to give him some Vicodin for the pain” the nurse said, putting the medicine in my husband’s IV. Now, my dear Captain has a low tolerance to drugs just like I do, so I wasn’t sure how he would respond to the painkillers. “We’ll let him rest for an hour and then you’re free to be discharged and check out” the nurse said and left. Minutes after the drugs took hold my husband looked over at me. “Bae…” he slurred, “I gotta pee…”. I jumped out of my chair. “Okay, let me help you!” I said, poking my head out into the hallway and looked around for the restroom. With every tiny movement he whimpered in pain and wasn’t able to fully sit up. I winced for him seeing him so helpless and suffering. He pointed at a milk jug looking cup near his bedside. “I… gotta pee… in there” he said, and my eyes widened. “Do you want me to step out?” I asked.

Hindi (no)” he slurred, “You’ve gotta hold my cock…”. Now my eyes really widened. But automatically I moved and helped him shift to the side enough to relieve himself. It was a very humbling moment for us both, but it was the start of a hilarious night. Minutes later the nurse came in to check his vitals. As she stood there quietly with her clipboard my husband suddenly looked at me with a groggy, extremely-high smile. “Bae….” he said smoothly, “gimme head”. I inhaled sharply and my eyes flicked to the nurse who nearly busted out laughing behind her clipboard. “No!” I hissed about to laugh myself, “we’re in the hospital!”. He looked over at the nurse and blinked, suddenly realizing she was there. “Oh…” he said and fell quiet. I giggled into my hand.

Your service to your dominant will take many forms. It’s never going to be that perfect kinky picture all the time. There will be days when you’re fulfilling their wildest fantasies and others where you might be helping them tie their shoes. But we serve from a place of love, always. And that’s what really matters. ❀

II. Remember That Your Submissive Baseline is Knowing You’re a Sub Instead of Just Feeling That You Are:

Deciding that you want to be a submissive is a huge step. It’s the process of knowing who you are inside. It’s a way of being. Please remember that it’s okay to have days where you don’t feel like a submissive. Feelings are temporary emotions that come and go. Just because you don’t feel submissive at times doesn’t mean you aren’t one. Your normal baseline as a submissive is one where you enjoy giving service to your dominant, or the people whom you love as a single submissive. Remember to have resolve in who you are. On those days when you don’t want to care for another, be kind to yourself. You may not feel like serving, but you do it anyway because you know that you are a submissive even if you aren’t feeling like one in the moment. We stand up and prepare that meal. We pleasure our dominant and give them satisfaction. We remain gentle towards ourselves, because the feeling of not wanting to submit will pass. Deep down we know that we are a sub and that is a choice to be proud of.

III. Don’t Give Up When It’s Hard (And It Will Get Hard):Β 

If I’m keeping it real, I don’t understand the way dating works these days. Tinder makes absolutely no sense to me. I think that many people are so quick to “jump ship” and break up when things get difficult, and sadly, the D/s world can be no different. Now, I’m not saying that you have no right to break up with your D/s partner. D/s break up’s happen and has happened to me too. But I encourage you to give it all you’ve got. Dig deep when things get difficult and talk it out. Do everything you can to make the relationship work before you decide to break off a bond. I’m not going to sugar coat things with you, my friend. No relationship (D/s or otherwise) is all smooth sailing. The storms will come. Arguments will occur. Miscommunication happens, and it sucks when it bubbles up. But, how you navigate those low moments will help strengthen and shape your relationship. Everyone deserves to be happy in their connections.

IV. You Already Have Everything You Need to Be a Sub:Β 

The final point I’d like to mention is that you… as you are right now… is just what you need to be a submissive. If you’ve discovered within the core of your being that you are a sub, and have decided to live this lifestyle, then you have all the tools you need to thrive. Yes, I encourage you to read, explore the lifestyle, and talk to knowledgeable people. Yes, I absolutely will be cheering you on as you find out what you want your path of submission to look like. But never forget that being a submissive is the desire within to care for, love, and nurture those around you. It is having the personality of one who loves to uplift and serve those that they care about. It has nothing to do with what you wear, what gender or sexual orientation you are. It has nothing to do with your looks, or even if you’re sexual! It is simply the desire to serve and care for another human being. And if you made that decision within yourself, then you are a submissive. Period.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I’ll be back with part 2 of this series next Sunday, but stay tuned for more fun posts as we explore the final installments of “The Dominant’s Den: 30 Days of Gentle Guidance Exercises”. And I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx


  1. Girl I just… ugh. Part of me wants to give you a big squeeze because this is so perfect, and part of me wants to bash you because I had a post in the pipeline for this week about misconceptions and BDSM! Haha. Amazing work as always sweetie, so proud of you πŸ™‚ xx

    Liked by 2 people

      1. If your kind thinks anything like mine does my dear then your mind is a very dangerous place to be πŸ˜‰ big hugs to you too, girly. I hope you’re feeling a little bit brighter today 😊 xx

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Do everything you can to make the relationship work before you cut it off. Hmm. So that means I did fine rather than bad when in my relationship with me ex. He took advantage of my spirit but in the end he’s the one who was dumped and learned nothing, so…hmm…that makes me feel better! Some mess it up for the good few and make me wanna try less harder because what if the other person doesn’t commit as hard? But honestly that’s dumb. A relationship is a relationship. πŸ™‚ And how I navigate one isn’t the reason people are asshats sometimes. So I’m fine and justified in my behavior. Yay.

    Also, “We remain gentle towards ourselves, because the feeling of not wanting to submit will pass. Deep down we know that we are a sub and that is a choice to be proud of,” and “III. Don’t Give Up When It’s Hard (And It Will Get Hard)” are such good points. I’m glad you’re so aware and self aware regarding the relationship topics you write about. It’s nice to know that these kinds of things can be learned and experienced and gotten better at. You’re so cool, and everything you wrote in here is solid, from my experience and current knowledge on how these things work. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thank you so much. ❀ Well, like you, I've had my own fair share of relationships that didn't work out. Some were peaceful break up's while others were much less so. But all of them taught me a valuable lesson about dynamics and myself. *shrugs* If I can pass on my own experiences and tidbits of wisdom to help others, then that's fine by me and all I need. You deserve all the love, joy, and success in the world, my friend and I'm glad that you never settle for anything less than that. Big hugs to you!! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I make an account just to ask you to please please complete this series, i like your blog so much and I’m waiting for you complete this one cause it’s so helpful to me. Thank you so much for you great blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thank you, little meow girl!! That means so much to me! πŸ™‚ I will mark it down, and make sure to do it this month! You have my word ❀ Sending you BIG hugs! Stay safe, happy, and healthy my friend! xx


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