Day 21 of The Dominant’s Den: How to Make Yourself More Approachable in Dom-Space

The Dominant's Den

Good Morning Friends!

We’re back with another day of The Dominant’s Den, and this morning we are breaking down how your body language, communication, and behavior can make you more approachable while in dom-space. This is especially helpful if you have a Little or a tender-hearted submissive. How you carry yourself matters, and today we are lifting the veil on tiny things you can do that will make a huge difference. Are you ready to explore this with me? Then, let’s dive in!

I. Treat Your Sub as Something You Value: 

I love that word, value. When we value something we put time, effort, money, and work into it. We might value our car, so we clean it and get it regularly detailed. We might value shoes, so we spray them down and scrub them clean after using them. I know people who value their clothing and keep the most pristine closet you’ve ever seen. What we place value in is usually where you’ll find us investing our time and energy. Today, I encourage you to view your submissive as something you value. Your D/s relationship is going to take up some of your time, energy, work, and money. But when you place value into your sub, you’re also demonstrating the depth of your love. You love your sub so much that you’re willing to put money towards nice dates out. You love your sub so much that you forgo watching the football game to have time in little space instead. You’re putting value in your submissive, and they will feel that. They will respond to your love and guidance because they will feel treasured and desired.

II. Use the Skills You Already Have: 

My dear dominants, lend me your ears on this next section because so many doms fall into this common trap. You don’t need to be a “jack of all kinky trades” when you become a dominant. You don’t need to be the best at everything. Use what skills you already possess to be the best dom that you can be. If you love to joke around, be that hilarious, light-hearted dominant. If you love to work outside, be the handyman dominant who builds his Little a playhouse! By zeroing in on the skills you do have, (instead of focusing on what you don’t know), you will naturally exude confidence. And confidence is sexy! Now that said, I also believe that you should make a list of skills that you desire to learn and slowly study, learn, and grow as a dominant. This is especially true if you want to learn kinky activities that could cause potential injury. Study up and practice, practice, practice! You’ve got this! 😉

III. Discipline Never Changes Your Sub’s Value to You: 

We’ve spoken at length about punishment and discipline many times here on the blog. Some of these topics include how to make creative forms of punishment for your Middle, how to implement punishment and behavior modification, and the difference between a punishment and a “FUNishment”. While it’s true that discipline and punishment is a part of the D/s dynamic, today I’d like to shift our attention towards how you choose to discipline your sub. I want to examine the tone that you use, and the words that you say.

You see, you can discipline your submissive in a way that actually lifts them up instead of making them feel guilty and ashamed. You can love them through their behavior modification by reinforcing the message that just because you’re disciplining them doesn’t mean that you love them any less. In other words, their value to you as your submissive never changes even when they get in trouble. Tell your sub that you love them, and that you know that they’ll do better next time as you’re gently doling out their punishment. Yes, they will learn their lesson but they will also know that they are still loved and valued by you. This will continue to build up your submissive’s self-esteem and nurture your relationship together.

IV. Daily Gentle Guidance Exercise: Begin Planting a Positive Seed in Your Sub: 

Today I challenge you to begin the marathon of cultivating a positive self-esteem within your sub. (Notice how I said “marathon”). Helping your sub develop self-worth is a long term goal. It isn’t a sprint, but it will take daily consistency on your part to plant the seed of self-worth within your submissive. Every day I encourage you to wake up and tell your submissive that: you love them, they matter to you, and you are thankful for having them in your life. Repeat those three simple sentences every single day, once a day, without ceasing.

  • I love you.
  • You matter to me.
  • And I am thankful for having you in my life.

That’s it. It will take a bit of time for your sub to begin to accept your words. This is especially true for subs with low self-esteems, but keep at it! Over time, and I’m talking months here, your sub will begin to believe you. Continue to say those three mantras to them daily even when they begin to act like they believe you. Once you see their behavior change as they start to place trust and love in your words, you’ll notice that they will begin to value themselves more. They will begin to believe that they are loved, that their presence in your life matters, and that they have a purpose in the relationship. Remember, consistency is key! You can do it! ❤

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx


  1. “Treat Your Sub as Something You Value” and as if they’re sexy. Because otherwise…BDSM can get weird if attractiveness is not overtly expressed ❤ (times that by a hundred if you have self esteem issues). For subs especially making sure they are not considered annoying and are inherently desirable in all of their individual subbiness is also quite important and sexy, too, I might add. Also the positivity seed is special. You reap what you sow. This goes for subs too who focus only on the negative of their partners and not on the whole of thing they represent. You'll get a lot of negative…vibes back if that is your focus. It is important for there to be a fairytail-like mood promoted in BDSM because in the end, it is like roleplay, and if the feel-goodness is not at the core of the relationship, then what else is? This is why communication and following and respecting the values of each other is important. Okay so looks like I'm gonna write a whole response post to piggy back off of your piece, perhaps. You highlight some great things. Things that I now have an ignition to right about ^^ Good work listening to and connecting with your Dom. I see it. Are you perhaps a switch, bordering upon the middle of all this juicy info? *gasp of wonder*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. An excellent point, my friend! ❤ And thank you for such a beautiful comment! You made me blush. Hehe! 🙂 As for your question: Am I a switch? Hmmm… perhaps I could be? I've never explored domination for myself, but I'd like to believe that we all have masculine and feminine energies within us. We all have the capability of tapping into those parts, as needed, and while I have never fully explored the dominance within me perhaps it could be there. 🙂 xx

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s