Good Afternoon Friends!
Tonight is the final post of “The Dominant’s Den: 30 Days of Gentle Domination and Guidance”. I hope you all have enjoyed this series as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. Today we’re diving into the do’s and don’ts of Cg/l conflict resolution. Unlike other dynamics of D/s, Littles tend to be more tender, sensitive people. We’re Little for various reasons, and while we are all legal adults, we are still tiny and gentle. In this post we’re going to discuss gentle ways of resolving conflict. I’ve created 10 things to do to resolve conflict in your Cg/l relationship, and 10 things to avoid. Now then, are you ready to explore this list with me? Then, let’s dive in!
I. 10 things to Avoid During Conflict in Your Cg/l Relationship:
- Don’t threaten to cut off the relationship. Your submissive trusts you completely. If or when you lose your cool, don’t threaten to cut things off. This can deteriorate the trust within your relationship quickly.
- Don’t spank or hit when angry. I know I’ve said it before, but only punish or discipline when you are fully in control and have a calm head.
- Don’t cuss at each other or call each other names. Profanity hurts and calling names hurts worse. You internalize those things and you don’t want that kind of toxicity in your relationship.
- Don’t belittle each other. Though you may get angry with your partner, don’t cut them down. Their thoughts and feelings are just as valid as yours.
- Don’t bully or intimidate your Little. This is a big one. I’ve heard some D/s horror stories about couples where the dom has intimidated the submissive when they are angry. This isn’t any way to practice D/s. Intimidation or bullying is abuse, plain and simple. Don’t do it.
- Don’t hold a grudge. Holding a grudge hurts you much more than the other person. It breeds resentment and things never get a chance to fully heal. Learn to forgive and let go of anger.
- Don’t bring adult issues into Little Space. If you’re upset about something and your Little is in little space, wait to discuss it until the play session is over. If you suddenly bring an adult topic to your little while they are in the head space, it will yank them out immediately, (and you don’t want that). It feels pretty “icky” to suddenly be pulled from regressing back into your adult mindset without a gentle transition.
- Don’t allow yourself to be distracted when you’re speaking together as Cg/l. It’s pretty obvious that couple time should be time spent as a couple. But I once heard someone use the phrase, “slaves to social media” and it resonated with me. Try to keep your devices down when you’re having a play session (unless you’re gaming together!).
- Don’t bad mouth your partner to your family. I’ve made this mistake in the past and it can be really hurtful. Obviously your friends and family will take your side if you speak ill of your partner. But the worst part is that over time they will dislike your partner and that isn’t fair to them or your relationship. Steer clear, my friends.
- Don’t brat to hurt or irritate your dominant. Bratting, as I’ve learned from other Littles who identify as brats, should only be done from a place of gentle teasing. But bratting should never be done to intentionally hurt or irritate your partner.
Now that we got the negative out of the way, let’s move onto the happy, positive list! ❤
II. 10 things to Do to During Conflict in a Cg/l Relationship:
- Do try to listen actively. Active listening means keeping an open mind (and lots of eye contact) as your partner is speaking with you.
- Do voice your feelings openly. Gently tell your partner how you feel. The more clear and concise you are, the better off you two will be.
- Do try to hug it out. Always give each other a hug at the end of the resolution. Physical touch breaks so many barriers during a disagreement.
- Do have empathy when your partner is speaking. Try to see things from their point of view.
- Do take time to cool down. If you need a moment to walk away and regroup mentally, please tell your partner where you’re going and when you will be back. This will stem any fears of you leaving permanently.
- Do meditate on the problem. Sometimes it’s good to think things over before discussing your feelings with your partner. Meditate on what the root issue is, then tackle it together.
- Do be mindful of what you say during a conflict, but always remain honest. I don’t believe in sugar coating things with people. But I do think that having tact and being mindful of what you say goes a long, long way.
- Do focus on what you can do better. It’s easy to tell your partner, “you should…” or “you need to…”. But I challenge you to look inwards and see what you can do to change things for the better.
- Do sincerely apologize. This is a life skill that is so very important. When you’re wrong, apologize. Sit down with your partner, look them in the eye, and humbly apologize. It’s always better to own up to your mistakes.
- Do try and adapt with your partner and compromise to find a solution that works. The purpose of any disagreement is to find a common ground at the end of the discussion. Find a compromise that works for the both of you. Then get ready to adapt to the new normal so you don’t have the same problem in the future.
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here and I will see you back here later tonight for the final installment of The Dominant’s Den!