My Husband Masturbates and It’s Okay!

“Mary Magdalene in a Grotto”, Painting by: Jules Joseph Lefebvre 1876

Good Morning Friends,

I wanted to steal a moment in the wee hours of this morning to sit here and write to you. For the past several days, the Captain and my “sex clocks” have not been synced up, but you know what? It’s okay! Today I want to shatter the deeply ingrained myth that masturbation is a “bad thing” for marriage, because I disagree. Are you ready to explore this topic with me? Then. let’s dive in. ❤

I. To Spill Your Seed or Not… That is the Question: 

When I entered my very first relationship-turned-marriage I was living in the Bible Belt of America. Back then, I remember being told how wrong masturbation was. I didn’t know terms like, “self love” and “self-stimulation”. I was told that God created a man and woman to create life through the holy bonds of marriage, end of story. Yes, back then I was very vanilla. I was shown biblical passages that read:

Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother’s wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. And what he did was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.” (Genesis 38:8-10)

I was instructed that as a wife, I was to be a vessel for my husbands seed whenever he desired release. I was told that his semen is something that should never be wasted. But… what if the timing of your sexual desires doesn’t sync up? Look, I’m going to keep it real up in here. I’m a spiritual person, as is the Captain. But when it comes to “spilling our seed” or masturbation… we actually enjoy it! Years after I moved away from the South, and the Captain and I got together, I remember one night he felt frisky. I did not. He needed release, and I just wasn’t in the mood. I glanced at him and saw guilt in his eyes. Like me, he had been raised in a strict Catholic family where masturbation was considered “taboo” and “disgusting”. But by that point in my life I had long been taking care of my own urges so I said to him, “dude… just cum! I don’t mind”. And so he did.

We decided then and there that we couldn’t follow the biblical viewpoint that masturbation was wrong. Yes, we believe in God. But to us, masturbation isn’t a wicked act. (And if I’m being really honest here, that passage is kind of kinky if you re-read it slowly. But that’s another topic for another day). We had rounded a corner where sexual release could be for recreational purposes and definitely not for procreation. And you know what? It felt great! 😉

II. Porn, Erotica, and the Imagination, Oh My!: 

After our acceptance of incorporating masturbation into our life, (and this is before we entered the Dd/lg lifestyle), it was like a pile of bricks being lifted from our shoulders. Finally we could take care of our own urges as needed. There were times where the bed would jostle and I would feel him taking time for self love. Other times my own squirming would wake him up. But where there is masturbation, there usually is visual stimulation. In other words, many people like to get off to porn.

Now I want to pause here for a moment and dissect this, because I’ve met many people, (women especially), who view their partner looking at porn as a negative reflection towards them. They feel that if their partner looks at porn, that somehow they find them less attractive, appealing, or undesirable. This couldn’t be farther from the truth! I would encourage you to view porn in a different way. Just as people go to desk jobs, field jobs, etc. so too do people work in the sex industry. It’s a job. They are paid money to create videos for the sole purpose of entertainment. Sometimes the orgasm you see on the screen is real. Other times it is a highly edited creation. Seeing another naked human being on a screen does not mean that you are ugly in the eyes of your partner. Porn, erotica, etc. is simply a tool used to stimulate the mind during masturbation.

That said, over time I realized that the Captain and I have very different ways of engaging in self pleasure. He prefers reading erotica and I prefer using my mind. Neither of us watches porn hardly at all. I have a wild imagination and that is enough for me. He loves reading juicy, well written passages from erotica authors that evokes images in his mind. Neither way is right or wrong. You simply have to do what works best for you.

III. Being Supportive About Masturbation Actually Makes Us More Frisky: 

The other night the Captain was passed out in the bed early. He had had a long day at work and by 8:45 p.m. was snoring beside me. I, on the other hand, was wide awake and feeling in the mood. After three orgasms I sighed and went to bed. This morning at 5 a.m. I felt my big spoon snuggle up to me. Clearly he was in the mood as he “bumped” against my behind. I, on the other hand, had woken up with a migraine. Ever so slowly I reached out to our end table and grabbed his cell phone. Without a word, I passed it over to him and I heard him chuckle in the darkness. Minutes later he was finished and he snuggled back up to me kissing the nape of my neck. “Not in the mood?” he asked. “Headache” I groaned. He fetched me aspirin, water, and the heating pad. (He’s such a loving Daddy ❤ ). As we snuggled back up together quietly, he gave me an ever-so-gentle pat on my rump. “Tonight when you’re feeling better that ass is mine” he whispered and got up to begin his day. I felt giddy inside. Yes please, I thought. Yes please.

I believe that when you’re supportive of your partner’s needs, even if you don’t always sync up, that it will actually lead to more sex in the long run. You don’t need to always be going to pound town to feel the intimacy between you two. It’s the acceptance that you are who you are, and your urges rise when they rise, that really matters. Embrace who they are, and have fun as you see fit all along the way.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx


  1. Just catching up on your posts…another great one! While I try to respect everyone’s views on porn, I know a gal who equates porn and masturbating with cheating, which I personally feel is over the top. I watched her throw away a very loving relationship, because she couldn’t force her partner to conform to her views. There are obviously always two sides to a story, but in this case, I was very close to both parties, and what he was asking for wasn’t way out of the norm and he was trying to include her…but she just couldn’t be flexible in this area. To each their own, I suppose. Personally, I love porn…reading it, and watching it. I don’t feel threatened if my partner is attracted to someone on the screen.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Nora! I absolutely agree with you. That’s so sad, and I’m sorry to hear about your couple-friends. Like you, I’ve met women who feel threatened when their partner watches porn. To me, I think it’s more their own insecurities that unfortunately comes out as control over their partners actions. That can be difficult to navigate through sometimes. I agree with you though, porn is meant to entice and arouse, so if the Captain thinks a woman is hot on his screen that’s fine by me. Hehe! I’ll likely lean over and check her out too! 😉 xx

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Sweetie, that’s a great post. I’m not a pornographic follower. It looks so acted…which it is Haha. But mutual masturbation is so good. If I’m not able I help him and visa versa. No guilt. No seed anyway at his age! lol. I love your honesty. Clitoris is for pleasure only, so sex is not just for procreation. Rex loves watching orgasm.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Naomi!! ❤ You're so right. Mutual masturbation can be just as enjoyable (if not more so!) than sex sometimes. It's so intimate and rewarding to help your partner to climax. 🙂 Not to mention, as you said, watching is extremely hot too! 😉 xx

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Alexa!
      You’re absolutely correct. Masturbation is a normal part of life. Thank you for the supportive and loving comment. It made my day! I hope you have a Happy Valentine’s Day and a wonderful weekend! 🙂
      Kitten xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hehe I love this! I know I wrote something similar before, I think “I Caught My Husband Masturbating, And It Led To The Best Sex We’ve Ever Had”, or something along those lines. The only reason I get bummed out is if we haven’t had boomies in a while, then he’s taking care of himself. Then, it’s a bit like “hey?”, but also, as the one with the higher SD, I’m normally DTF more often than he is hehe. Keep it up, girly! Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww thank you, chicka! ❤ That means so much. I love reading your blog posts too. They are so candid, open, and deeply engaging. Like you, I'm usually the one to elbow the Captain and let him know I'm DTF. 😉 But it's fun being a feisty kitten with an insatiable craving for boomies, right? *wink* Happy Valentine's Day to you, my dear friend! I hope you have a wonderful day and a beautiful, restful weekend! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Well this is an interesting post. You know I’m caged so masturbation is no longer something I can do—without permission. Having given my erections and orgasms to my Queen, for me masturbation is not allowed. Before caging I would masturbate almost every day and sometimes more than once a day. We would sometimes mutually masturbate which was fun. But nowadays it just doesn’t happen. The only time I stroke myself is when she is with me and tells me to do it. But I never “finish”. On the other hand, she can masturbate whenever she wants. She does do it occasionally and it turns me on to hear about it. But Angus will just press on the bars of his cage until she decides to give him some freedom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michael! I love hearing about you and your Queen’s life too! 🙂 Male chastity is such a fascinating topic and I think it’s beautiful the control and power exchange you two have in your relationship. ❤ Sending hugs and love to you and your Queen. Stay happy and healthy! xx

      Liked by 1 person

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