Good Morning Friends,
I wanted to steal a moment in the wee hours of this morning to sit here and write to you. For the past several days, the Captain and my “sex clocks” have not been synced up, but you know what? It’s okay! Today I want to shatter the deeply ingrained myth that masturbation is a “bad thing” for marriage, because I disagree. Are you ready to explore this topic with me? Then. let’s dive in. ❤
I. To Spill Your Seed or Not… That is the Question:
When I entered my very first relationship-turned-marriage I was living in the Bible Belt of America. Back then, I remember being told how wrong masturbation was. I didn’t know terms like, “self love” and “self-stimulation”. I was told that God created a man and woman to create life through the holy bonds of marriage, end of story. Yes, back then I was very vanilla. I was shown biblical passages that read:
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother’s wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. And what he did was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.” (Genesis 38:8-10)
I was instructed that as a wife, I was to be a vessel for my husbands seed whenever he desired release. I was told that his semen is something that should never be wasted. But… what if the timing of your sexual desires doesn’t sync up? Look, I’m going to keep it real up in here. I’m a spiritual person, as is the Captain. But when it comes to “spilling our seed” or masturbation… we actually enjoy it! Years after I moved away from the South, and the Captain and I got together, I remember one night he felt frisky. I did not. He needed release, and I just wasn’t in the mood. I glanced at him and saw guilt in his eyes. Like me, he had been raised in a strict Catholic family where masturbation was considered “taboo” and “disgusting”. But by that point in my life I had long been taking care of my own urges so I said to him, “dude… just cum! I don’t mind”. And so he did.
We decided then and there that we couldn’t follow the biblical viewpoint that masturbation was wrong. Yes, we believe in God. But to us, masturbation isn’t a wicked act. (And if I’m being really honest here, that passage is kind of kinky if you re-read it slowly. But that’s another topic for another day). We had rounded a corner where sexual release could be for recreational purposes and definitely not for procreation. And you know what? It felt great! 😉
II. Porn, Erotica, and the Imagination, Oh My!:
After our acceptance of incorporating masturbation into our life, (and this is before we entered the Dd/lg lifestyle), it was like a pile of bricks being lifted from our shoulders. Finally we could take care of our own urges as needed. There were times where the bed would jostle and I would feel him taking time for self love. Other times my own squirming would wake him up. But where there is masturbation, there usually is visual stimulation. In other words, many people like to get off to porn.
Now I want to pause here for a moment and dissect this, because I’ve met many people, (women especially), who view their partner looking at porn as a negative reflection towards them. They feel that if their partner looks at porn, that somehow they find them less attractive, appealing, or undesirable. This couldn’t be farther from the truth! I would encourage you to view porn in a different way. Just as people go to desk jobs, field jobs, etc. so too do people work in the sex industry. It’s a job. They are paid money to create videos for the sole purpose of entertainment. Sometimes the orgasm you see on the screen is real. Other times it is a highly edited creation. Seeing another naked human being on a screen does not mean that you are ugly in the eyes of your partner. Porn, erotica, etc. is simply a tool used to stimulate the mind during masturbation.
That said, over time I realized that the Captain and I have very different ways of engaging in self pleasure. He prefers reading erotica and I prefer using my mind. Neither of us watches porn hardly at all. I have a wild imagination and that is enough for me. He loves reading juicy, well written passages from erotica authors that evokes images in his mind. Neither way is right or wrong. You simply have to do what works best for you.
III. Being Supportive About Masturbation Actually Makes Us More Frisky:
The other night the Captain was passed out in the bed early. He had had a long day at work and by 8:45 p.m. was snoring beside me. I, on the other hand, was wide awake and feeling in the mood. After three orgasms I sighed and went to bed. This morning at 5 a.m. I felt my big spoon snuggle up to me. Clearly he was in the mood as he “bumped” against my behind. I, on the other hand, had woken up with a migraine. Ever so slowly I reached out to our end table and grabbed his cell phone. Without a word, I passed it over to him and I heard him chuckle in the darkness. Minutes later he was finished and he snuggled back up to me kissing the nape of my neck. “Not in the mood?” he asked. “Headache” I groaned. He fetched me aspirin, water, and the heating pad. (He’s such a loving Daddy ❤ ). As we snuggled back up together quietly, he gave me an ever-so-gentle pat on my rump. “Tonight when you’re feeling better that ass is mine” he whispered and got up to begin his day. I felt giddy inside. Yes please, I thought. Yes please.
I believe that when you’re supportive of your partner’s needs, even if you don’t always sync up, that it will actually lead to more sex in the long run. You don’t need to always be going to pound town to feel the intimacy between you two. It’s the acceptance that you are who you are, and your urges rise when they rise, that really matters. Embrace who they are, and have fun as you see fit all along the way.
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!