Spotlight Interview: Mr. A from “A Barbarian in Gentleman’s Clothing”

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Good Morning Friends!

I hope you all are having a beautiful start to the week. Around here things are moving slow as we soak up President’s Day, (aka a holiday weekend). I wanted to slide in here and share with you another spotlight interview from a fellow blogger, and dear friend of mine, Mr. A! He and I have been friends for almost a year now, and I love reading his posts. His lifestyle blog has a bit of everything from cooking, to men’s fashion and wellness, to TMI Tuesdays! I know you’ll enjoy it as much as I do. A huge thanks to Mr. A for allowing me to sit down with him and ask him some more personal and in depth questions. Enjoy the interview everyone, and please don’t forget to hop on over and follow his blog too!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

Blogger name: Mr. A
URL of your blog: https://barbariangentlemen.wordpress.com
Your Twitter handle:@mrablogger
Your Age: Whopping 33 yrs old
How you identify within BDSM (dom, sub, switch, etc.): A closeted Dom
How many years you’ve been involved in the lifestyle: A good 4 or 5 years.

I. Vanilla Questions:

1. Thank you for letting me interview you! What inspired your blog’s name, “A Barbarian in Gentleman’s Clothing”?

First off, Thanks Penny for this opportunity! I hope everything is fine there!. So, the blog name is inspired by “The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing”. One has to be a man first then a gentleman second. To be a man takes a balance between his baser and refined instincts. If a man is too refined, he is too soft. If he is primal, he is too hard; he is a mix of both Conan the Barbarian and James Bond. Actually, there has been a recent drama about my use of the word Barbarian. I always address my readers as “Barbarians”, I treat my readers as part of the “barbarian horde”. In short, I wanted to include all my readers to my post as a way to engage with them. One of the readers felt I’m insulting my readers by calling them Barbarian, a good thing another blogger stepped in. But it’s all right, some may not agree with the things I write about but I still love my readers.

2. Would you say that your blog is mainly focused on helping men? If so, what inspired you to write towards your male audience?

Funny enough, despite the male-oriented topics in my blog, my general audience is women. I have been thinking about that ever since. So, storytime, a few years ago I was in a terrible place, I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I was seeking professional help in managing it and also taking medication. In one of our sessions, my psychiatrist urged me to try weight lifting and fell in love with it. Then I tried dressing up, then I started blogging using the things that I learned from those two. I also practice stoicism which I try to reflect as much as I could in my writing. The blog started out as a personal diary which became a men’s lifestyle blog of sorts. I wanted to help men who are having similar problems with what I have encountered and somehow make a difference.

3. What are three blog posts that you’ve written that are your favorite?

Hmmm, tough one. I’ll enjoy writing my parenting, stoicism, style post.

What It’s Like To Raise a Daughter and The Things I Learned So Far – This has been my favorite lately. I try my best to keep her identity private but I do love to talk about my daughter. It has been a wonderful adventure filled with joy and challenges.

Never Criticize, Never Condemn, Never Complain (A.K.A Stop Bitchin’) – I have been living my life with these rules. I despise my own weakness and whenever I criticize, condemn or complain, I see that as a weakness of my character.

The Three Pairs of Shoes Every Man Should Own – I had a blast this one. I love minimalism when it comes to dressing up. I got tired of having too many clothes but have nothing to wear. I love giving out useful style advice that is minimal and doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. I’m a fan of classic menswear, if it’s worn 10 years ago and could still be worn for the next 10 years then it is a classic.

4. I noticed that you love to cook and have shared a few recipes here and there. Will we see more recipes to come in 2020?

Oh yes! I love cooking, I once dreamed of going to culinary school to learn. Last time I made some beer-battered fish and chips. Something is relaxing about cooking, for me, it is a way to pass time. I love learning new recipes, for sure there would be a recipe for 2020, I haven’t thought of what.

II. D/s Questions:

1. How did you first come to discover the BDSM lifestyle?

Hmmm… I can’t even remember the start. I’ve always been fascinated about BDSM, though I’ll admit that my understanding back then is shallow. But as the years pass, I’ve begun to educate myself and somehow better understand what BDSM is. I learned everything I know from the internet. It’s sad that many from where I came from have a very strict point of view when it comes to sex. It’s either shallow or conservative, for me, sex is more than sexual intercourse.

2. How long have you been with your partner?

I’ve already spent two Christmas with Pancake. I’ve met her in a dating app, of all places. I met her in June of 2018 and we’ve been seeing each other ever since. We live 100km apart, and it is my first time being in a long-distance relationship. I was the one to introduce BDSM and kink to Pancake, and it was kind of nerve-wracking trying to open up like that. I will forever be in debt for the understanding she gave me that day. We took the jump from casual to a full-time D/s relationship.

3. How would you describe your domination style and what are the pronouns that your submissive uses with you? (Master, Daddy, Owner, etc.)

I’m not an extreme sadist for sure! I’m strict and sometimes cruel, but I don’t like giving out corporal punishments. I used to be a programmer so I love metrics, formulas, and documentation. My style is more akin to a role-playing game where I need certain tasks or habits assigned to a level. As the level gets higher, so are the tasks. It also has its own reward system and a form of the currency system. I like my submissive to address me as Sir, Master or Owner.

4. Is your D/s relationship full-time, part-time, play session only, etc.?

More like an online full-time relationship. Like I said, our relationship is 100km apart. I wish that we get to live together but we both have our priorities. Online and long-distance relationships are hard. It requires an awful amount of patience and understanding.

5. What is the most enjoyable aspect of being a dominant, and what is the most difficult challenge?

I love being a dominant, function better in relationships when I am in a more dominant role. I spend a lot of time contemplating how I came to be or why I like what I like. Aside from that, I love having someone I could be honest about myself. Well, I can’t be fully open but it’s the closest thing for me. I love having someone’s trust, respect, and love that is different among the others.

With that said, it’s quite the opposite when it comes to patience. I know that any kind of relationship needs patience, and D/s is no exception. You can expect me to understand but you can’t expect me to wait, patience is not my strong suit. But on the bright side, commitment is what makes me tick. Emotions are always fleeting, but commitment lasts.

6. What is your biggest turn on in a submissive?

Obedience. Call me a megalomaniac or what, but the simple truth is I get turned on by obedience. Despite my demeanor and taste, my personality is akin to an operator or a manager. I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty but I avoid unnecessary work. There’s something very intoxicating to obedience, of having you will put into action. I love it when Pancake obeys even the simplest of my requests like exercise or learn how to dance or something sexy. Right now, I expressed my intent for her to start a savings account. It may not mean much to everyone else but those kinds of things are my turn-ons. It may sound cruel or power-hungry for someone who doesn’t understand D/s, but my goal is to make her the best woman she could be. There is always a reason behind every request and I don’t give out requests for the sake of giving one.

7. What is your preferred punishment method with your submissive?

A very well thought out form of “humiliation”. Most of my readers are vanilla and would definitely be picking up their jaws from the floor hearing this but hear me out. The purpose of humiliation is to humble and sometimes it is more effective than spanking or other forms of corporal punishment. I learned this from the experience I have with my father. You see back when I was a brash and arrogant young lad, my dad would force me to apologize to anyone who I’ve done wrong. It was humiliating, it was humbling and I learned. I cannot walk around and pick fights with anybody. He didn’t force me to apologize because I disappointed him, he did because he wanted me to become a better person.

8. What advice would you give to new dominants entering the lifestyle?

SSC. SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL, before anything else, ask yourself these three important questions:

Is it safe?

Is it sane?

Is it consensual?

If the answer to any of those questions is a resounding “NO”, then you shouldn’t even be entertaining the idea. Your topmost priority as a dominant is your submissive’s safety and well-being. If by any chance you compromise the safety of your submissive then it’s time to reconsider your approach. Yes, it’s easy to get caught up in treating your sub as an object but always keep in mind that they are still a person. You have a person’s life in your hands, be RESPONSIBLE.

Another thing is KISS, KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID. Like I said it is easy to get caught up with the dynamics, but if something is too complicated then you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. A lot would go wrong even with experience and believe me when I say things would go wrong. If it requires more than three steps, then it’s too complicated. Keep it simple and enjoy the moment!

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