Minors and BDSM: Let’s Talk About It! [Part 1]

 

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Good Evening Friends,

I have literally avoided writing this series for two whole years, because discussing minors and BDSM is such a controversial subject within our lifestyle. And naturally so! Most people on blogs and social media simply state: I do not support minors in kink. If you are a minor I will block you. End of story. And while I agree that I do not support minors in kink, I also believe in explaining why. Educate instead of alienate. I’ve never been the type to state that something is the way it is, “because I said so”. That reason has never been good enough to me. So, tonight we are unpacking why I don’t believe minors should be in kink, but also why I understand that they fall into it. We are going to dive into the controversy behind it in a gentle, educational way. I don’t know how long this series is going to be. But I do know that I’m done procrastinating such an important topic. Now then, are you ready to explore this with me? Then, let’s dive in.

I. Introduction and Why Minors in Kink Hits So Close to Home For Me:Β 

In the early part of my teenage years I was a naive girl. Then somewhere around 16 years old I discovered masturbation and self-pleasure and never looked back. Still, growing up in a traditional home, sex was this elusive act that I knew little about. That was back in the late 1990s and early 2000’s. This was when Sisqo’s “The Thong Song” was considered risque, and crop tops were all the rage. It was a time when the Internet was still emerging and texting was just beginning to unfold. When I was a minor, we didn’t have Tinder, Facebook Messenger, and Whatsapp. We didn’t have the convenience to connect with complete strangers online like minors do today.

But the common thread that unites how we were as teenagers, and teens today, is that we both were going through the same developmental phase of self-discovery.

Adolescence is a time to test out who you want to be as an adult without all of the pressures and responsibilities of adulthood. It’s the time to play around with looks and fashion. It’s the time to think about taking that gap year before college, or studying abroad in another country. It’s the time when your life feels like a bubble in high school, and you long for the final bell to signal the end of classes for the day. You stress over tests and getting accepted into college. In sum, you’re just trying to figure it all out. Psychologically, teenagers are a bit more daring than adults. They have sound reason and can understand right and wrong, yet developmentally they are still a bit immature and will take risks where adults will heed to caution. They lack the life experience to understand the full ramifications of what their actions will do.

I know this because back when the Backstreet Boys were cool, and NSYNC was all the rage, I was an absolute idiot too. πŸ˜‰ I did things that I’m not proud of. I grew, matured, and learned many lessons the hard way.

But let’s keep it real. Society is very sexualized. People with ill intentions want young teenagers (particularly girls) who still have perky breasts, low self-esteems, and little experience in the lifestyle, so that they can take advantage of them. And this, my dear friends, is what we’re going to dive deeper into tonight. If you’re a minor and you’re reading this, know that I get it. I don’t judge you for your curiosity in the lifestyle. I won’t ever “shun” you for coming to my blog. But I would ask you to read all of this and then simply wait. Wait to enter this lifestyle. You’ll understand why by the end of this series. I promise. ❀

II. It’s Normal to Be a Horny Teenager, But You Don’t Need to Have Sex:Β 

I get it. You’re young and horny. You want validation from your partner that you’re pretty, and many of us find that through sex. Been there, done that. But before you slip down your knickers, let’s take a moment and talk about this. As a minor, you’re treated like a child but you feel like an adult. You are expected to be thinking about what University to attend, but you’re not allowed to drink or smoke a pack of cigarettes. You’re told to “grow up” (likely beginning around age 13!), yet you’re carded every time you enter an adult establishment. You’re caught in that in between period where you’re not quite old enough, yet you’re too young to do all the things you are curious about.

It’s a difficult period in life, and believe me when I say that I understand.

So instead of sitting here and telling you, “No, you shouldn’t do <insert act> because you’re too young”, I’m going to give you, (my minor readers, if there are any) the respect and courtesy of explaining why. You deserve that. You’re old enough to understand why you can’t be a submissive right now. Are you ready? Then, pull up a chair and let’s get really real together.

You’re young. Your body is still developing even though you’ve gone through puberty. Your skin looks flawless and your breasts are still perky. Pat yourself on the back. You have fresh eyes to the world, but you’re far from dumb. In fact, you’re quite smart. Since you were young you’ve been inundated with technology telling you that romance can happen online. You’ve seen commercials, movies, and apps telling you that forming a connection via text is normal. Gone are the days when you actually had to have a phone conversation, now you are judged by the first line of text you send. You need to be on your best “Instagram Game” all the time, especially as a teen. In many ways, your generation has it more difficult than we did, and for that, I feel for you.

You’re curious about BDSM, sex, and D/s relationships, and who can blame you? After Fifty Shades of Grey came out, most of the world turned their eyes towards the BDSM community. Despite us waving signs preaching that Fifty Shades was a shitty depiction of what a D/s relationship looks like, it still ranked high in the box office. Movies sells. Sex sells, and you might have been curious what it’s like to have a Christian Grey of your very own. Am I right?

III. The D/s Dynamic is Much More Complicated Than You Realize:Β 

We’re going to cover the legal reasons, physical reasons, etc. of why you shouldn’t get into kink in another post. But for now, I want to slow everything down to share that having a D/s relationship is not easy. I’ve had multiple D/s relationships and none of them have been easy. They aren’t supposed to be easy, but there’s a reason why minors can’t handle being involved in this lifestyle: you need time be strong as an individual before coming together with a partner. As a teenager you’re discovering who you are. You need time to learn your likes and dislikes, (and believe me those will change over time too!). You need a chance to work on yourself as a person and learn more about your needs, and nurture your self-esteem. Never turn to a relationship to try and validate your self-worth. You are already amazing. No partner should ever replace the love you have for yourself.

Being in a D/s relationship is also a dynamic where there is a power exchange. You consent to giving control over your body, mind, and soul. You consent to your partner pushing you to doing things that might look kinky and amazing on the surface, but it actually takes lots (and lots!) of time, patience, and communication to make happen. Play sessions takes preparation. And your dominant will need you to be there for them too. At a time when you should be thinking about all of the fun things you want to do in your life, you don’t need to be weighed down by such an intense relationship. Have fun! Be free! Discover who you are! Masturbate and feel worry-free from STDs and pregnancy! Have naughty fantasies in your mind, but keep it there in those parts of your mind.

IV. Channel Your Energy Into Learning:Β 

I want to wrap up this post before it gets too long. ❀ I don’t think being a minor and having curiosity about the BDSM and Cg/l lifestyle is bad or wrong in any way. However, I implore you to channel that energy into a positive way by reading and learning up on this lifestyle. Instead of seeking out a dominant, try reading an informational book! Here is a list of many Cg/l resources to get you started. By educating yourself, you will be placing power into your hands. Knowledge is power, and by the time you are a legal adult and feel fully ready to enter the lifestyle, you will be better equipped to do so.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

11 comments

  1. As someone who has had something similar to a D/s relationship when I was very young for a very short time I agree with you πŸ’―% and if I had known better I would have stayed quite far away from her and her brother. I was 9 at the time, well before puberty and MGA pointed out to me that it was abuse. Minors definitely do not belong in the BDSM world until they are old enough to understand the consequences of actions taken and agreed to. Be good to yourself while you learn and grow to be a better person who you can be proud of

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow! I’m so sorry you went through that, my friend. But I think it’s brave of you for sharing your experience on here, and you’re absolutely right. A major part of why minors should stay out of the lifestyle is that there are way too many sexual predators out there who would take advantage of them. Sending you giant hugs and squeezes! xx ❀

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  2. Great post! Hence I tell people, especially men to focus on their mission first, romance second.

    I get it, love is fantastic but “you really can’t give something you don’t have”. How can you expect yourself to take care of somebody else if you can’t take care of yourself? This even coming from a dominant’s perspective.

    Very educational post, cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Mr. A! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! You’re absolutely correct. Regardless of your role within a relationship dynamic, you need to be able to cultivate who you are first before diving into a partnership with someone else. Sending you big hugs! πŸ™‚ xx

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  3. That is such a wise post Kitten. I’m obviously not in this world, although Rex and I enjoy bits of it and have immense respect for you who are! But we have all had children and Rex remembers back. The BDSM world is for those who are mature within themselves. It’s not a novelty thing. It seems to be for those who are ready for commitment.
    Thanks Kitty!
    ❀
    Naomi

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Naomi! You are incredibly wise when you said: “The BDSM world is for those who are mature within themselves”. You’re 1000% correct, my friend. It’s a lifestyle for adults who have well established who they are, and what their needs are. Even then, it’s a journey into discovering your role within the relationship dynamic, and far too complex for a minor to handle. Sending you and Rex big hugs! πŸ™‚ xx

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  4. Fantastic as ever girly! And girl if you need any help on this series, hit me up, please don’t struggle on your own if you need/want me to cover anything. I know I’ve written a piece somewhere in the backlog about underage Littles, too. Link it or quote it if or as you feel you need to, if you want to πŸ™‚ xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Elena! ❀ I will definitely check out your post, as I would be happy to link it in this series. πŸ™‚ I'm just taking my sweet time formulating each post as it flows from the heart, hehe. As always, I appreciate your love and support. You are a great friend. Sending you big squeezes! xx ❀

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  5. I was recently invited to join a Facebook DDLG group. I began giving it a look. The further I looked the more things I found to be troubling. Then I came upon a big age little age post. As I scrolled the comments I saw things like big age 16 little age 3, ba 15 la 4, ba 20 la 10. Then I saw big age 14 little age 6. I quickly removed myself from the group as I have huge issue with children in these types of fb groups. Predators live in these groups. And these children aren’t old/educated enough about themselves let alone a world of d/s.
    I’m not sure this comment has a real point but it’s just been weighing on my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Daddyslittleone13! πŸ™‚ No, I’m so glad that you brought up this experience here in the comments for us all to read, because the truth is that this is a MAJOR problem within the Dd/lg community, and why I wanted to write about Minors in BDSM. There are a slew of issues with minors getting involved in the lifestyle, and being exposed to sexual predators online (as you said) is a huge problem. I’m glad that you trusted your gut and did what felt right for you. I would be extremely disturbed seeing that too. Sending you big hugs and smiles. πŸ™‚ Have a great rest of the day! xx

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