Good Afternoon Friends,
Right now I’m sitting here snuggled up in my grey uniform dress. The windows are open and the soft scent of lemon hangs in the air. The house is spotless and I am happy. As many of you have noticed, I haven’t been posting daily. Instead, I’ve decided to come into this space each time with intention. I post when the moment feels right. I write to you thoughts, feelings, and topics that feel perfect in the here and now. Today I’d like to show you more about how my M/s journey with the Captain has been going. I hope you all enjoy. ❤
I. The Joy of a Uniform:
Every morning I wake up before the Captain. The alarm dings at 6 am and I turn it off quickly. I want to give him a few, more precious minutes of sleep. In the dark of our bedroom I begin to tug on my uniform for the day. For the longest time I worried about what to wear for him. I wanted him to think I’m pretty, even though he has always told me so. I wanted to know that the clothing on my body was what he found acceptable, but if I’m keeping it real…. my husband is a busy man. He has an office job that keeps him running 5 days a week. He doesn’t have the time to pick out my outfit every single morning. (And I don’t think he would want to either! lol). This is why having a modernized kajira uniform has been so helpful for us.
When we decided to explore the Gorean subculture and weave it into our life, one of the first things my husband said was, “(whistles low) Now that is a sexy outfit!”. He loved the look of the traditional kajira camisk. I chuckled. “My bum will be on full display!” I protested with a grin. “I’m failing to see the problem” he countered. We settled on modernized dresses and all were happy. But the process was a joy. We chose these dresses together. In doing so, I learned little things about him that I hadn’t known before (like how he appreciates soft fabric against my skin because inevitably I end up smushed up to him!).
Just as certain public and private schools require a uniform for attendance, now I have a uniform to wear daily at home and on the go. And you know what? I love it. I don’t have to stress about what to wear. I wear a grey dress that the Captain has chosen for me. Done. But pulling on a dress everyday also gives me a reason to “primp up” a bit. For all those who stay at home on a regular basis, you know the struggles we face when it comes to putting yourself together. We’ve all thought a time or two, “why dress up when I’m not going anywhere? Who’s going to see me? What’s the point?”. Been there, done that. I totally feel you. However, since wearing a uniform I feel like I have a purpose that wasn’t there before. It makes me feel girly and sexy. It pushes me to put on lip gloss “just because”. It makes me walk with a little bit more of a wiggle in my hips. It’s nice. And if you enjoy uniforms, then perhaps this is something you can experiment with too! 🙂
II. Learning to Let Go:
Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of consensual slavery is the release of total power to the dominant. Not sometimes control. Not control “when you feel like it” or control “on a good day”. No, total control all the time. The Captain and I have been together for 7 years and I can tell you that it hasn’t been easy. Are we best friends? Yes. Are we lovers, spouses, and M/s? Yes. But has the path been easy? Oh gosh no! Just the other night my husband and I were snuggled up on the couch reflecting on our M/s journey and how it has healed some of the old wounds from the beginning of our relationship. Perhaps you can relate to this:
At the start of our relationship, like any couple, we had to go through a process of getting to know each other. We were together for a little over a year before we married. Even after we married and lived together, there were things that were an adjustment. Disagreements were had, and trust was hurt on both sides in certain areas. We spent years working diligently on our communication to repair those wounds and change destructive behavior patterns. For me, one of the biggest areas of healing that M/s has taught me is the ability to let go. Before we pushed ourselves into this path I was a 99% girl. I trusted my husband 99.99999% of the time. And yet…. there was that .1%. There were those tiny moments when he would say something and I would give him a skeptical look, or a furrowed brow, thinking: “Hmm… are you sure?”. Sometimes I vocalized by skepticism, sometimes I didn’t. But what I didn’t realize was that I was still holding onto that piece of control. That tiny part of myself that wouldn’t just blindly trust that he’s got it. He is in control. What he says is 100% the truth, and that he doesn’t need me questioning his authority.
Gosh, it was hard to let that go. To be honest, I wrestled with myself over it at the start of our M/s journey. But with each passing day it has gotten better. Finally I sat down the other night and we had a long chat about the progress that I’ve made to just let go!
Deep down, I wanted him to take control. I needed him to take all of me. To take all of my fears, doubt, insecurities, and to control it all. So I let go. I hit the tipping point between: “Oh no, I want this but I’m scared” and “F*** it! I want this too bad to not let go!” and I just…. surrendered. “Take it all…” I thought to myself, “take every last bit of me”. It felt so cathartic to begin serving without questioning. To surrender with all of my love. And it has strengthened our relationship ten-fold.
III. Savoring the Silence:
Between the Captain and I, I have always been “the talker”. If I’m feeling comfortable, I chat. I laugh and joke around. But, there’s a part of me that enjoys being quiet too. I can get really thoughtful and introspective. Since we began our journey into M/s, one of the things that has been nice is soaking up the silence. The Captain and I still chat and hang out nightly. However, this time I let him lead the conversations. I sit and enjoy letting him ramble about the things he is passionate about. I listen about his day at work, or a movie that he wants to see. Tonight we’re going to watch “Spartacus” because I’ve never seen it before. I’m really excited. As I sat curled up last night, my love went on at length about the action TV shows that he enjoys and this title popped up. As a fan of “300”, I immediately was hooked. But instead of jumping in and asking questions aplenty about what “Spartacus” is, and who is in the cast, I let him gush. I believe there is beauty in the silence of submission. A beauty where we can support our dominant by being silent and actively listening. ❤
IV. Empowering My Master:
The final point I’d like to touch upon is the importance of uplifting your dominant, and helping them feel confident in their ability to lead. Fellow submissives lend me your ears for a moment. 🙂 Yes, our dominants know how to guide us. They have a ton of responsibility to figure out the best way to nurture our needs and uplift us as their subs. One thing that I encourage all of us to do regularly is to do small acts of kindness to empower your dominant. With the Captain, I thank him regularly for the small things that he does… that he doesn’t have to. I also snuggle up on his chest and remind him every so often just what a wonderful Master he is to me. I let him feel my passion and devotion in our kisses and my touch. I don’t try to “fake it” or to sing his praises when I’m feeling under the weather or icky. I keep it real, and I tell him just how wonderful he is, and how much I love him being my dominant. In those moments I can see his beautiful, full lips curl into a smirk. I watch his dark eyes flash, as he feels empowered by the work that he does as my Master. I have empowered him, and I will continue to do so.
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all have an amazing weekend as we roll into Friday together. Keep smiling. Give your loved ones a squeeze. And don’t forget to smash that like button if you enjoyed this post! If you’re new here, hit that follow button to stay updated on regular posts from me, and I will see you back here for the next topic!