From Plastic to Steel: My Journey with Collars [BDSM Rambles]

Good Afternoon Friends,

This past weekend I have been nestled inside getting caught up on shows as we are self-isolating here on the farm. One show that I’ve been indulging in is “Wife Swap USA”. In one episode, a woman was wearing a collar that her husband placed on her before they swapped families. “Remember who you belong to” he said, giving his wife a kiss. The woman switched homes and was placed in a very conservative household. The new husband asked her to remove her collar. “I can’t” she explained, “it’s like an engagement ring of sorts”. I reached up and fiddled with my own collar around my neck.

I felt deep empathy for the woman.

Collars are something that we hear often in the BDSM community. From plastic to ribbons to leather and steel, in the world of D/s a collar is the greatest gift that a dominant can give to their submissive. Much like an engagement ring, it symbolizes the unique bond and power exchange between the couple. For as long as I can remember I have never been into jewelry. I would see other women wearing jewelry and admire how they looked. But the feeling of bracelets, necklaces, or rings never felt quite right on my own body.

Then I entered the lifestyle.

When I began my journey into submission I had read a book which stated that adult littles do not usually prefer to wear collars. The author had said that “unlike other paths of submission, Littles prefer a ribbon around their neck or no collar at all”. (Clearly this person wasn’t a little! 😉 ). Yet, there I sat identifying as an adult little and swooning over the pink pleather collars online. I wanted one. I yearned to earn one! After the breakup of my first D/s relationship, my husband began his own journey into the lifestyle to discover the dominant that was dormant within. We came together not only as husband and wife, but as a D/s couple too.

“I want a collar!” I said to him early on in our journey, “but according to this book… I have to earn it”. Like a giddy schoolgirl I wanted to do whatever it took to earn my collar. Back then, I didn’t have the knowledge or experience to understand the full weight and commitment of submission. I was enthralled with looking like the stereotypical kawaii littles. I wanted to look like that, and I wanted it now! “Alright” my husband said, and he gave me a list of daily chores to do. It was a piece of cake. The house was tidy regularly and I thought that I was being the perfect sub. A few weeks later he presented me with a set of elastic collars so that I could dress myself up however I wished, all while looking simply adorable.

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And that was fine… until it wasn’t.

I continued my journey into BDSM, diving deeper and really connecting with people in the lifestyle. It stopped me in my tracks because I had so much to learn and understand. I wasn’t supposed to pick out my collar. I wasn’t supposed to press my dominant to have one. Instead, I was supposed to focus my attention on the intention of my submission. In other words, I needed to dive deeper within myself to understand why I wanted to be a part of this lifestyle, and why I wanted to surrender power over my life to another human being. So, it was back to square 1 again for me.

As I learned, explored, spoke to people on forums and chats, I discovered so much within myself. There were parts of me that I yearned to explore and test the waters. There were kinks that I wanted to try, simply to see if they resonated with me or not. In those months of discovery I unearthed my kinship to being a kitten, and one day the Captain presented me with a beautiful, little collar that was a bit more pet-like. 🙂

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My old collars 🙂 

 

The material was cloth and plastic and it snapped closed, though I could still easily take it off. I enjoyed it having a hoop for him to snap a leash on me for pet play, and from time to time we enjoyed pet play sessions. And that was great, and wonderful…. but like “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”, I still yearned for a collar that fit… me. I was a kitten, and in many ways I still am, but I wasn’t finished discovering my true identity as a sub.

Life moved on.

The Captain and I peacefully uncoupled as D/s as we knew that we had more growing to do. Along the way I met a wonderful dominant, whom the Captain gave his blessing for us to connect together, and we spent months enjoying each others company. It taught me so much more about myself. Over the year or so that I was changing, evolving, and really honing in on my needs as a sub, I learned why those early collars never fully resonated with me.

  • Submission is a choice. A voluntary choice where you desire to surrender your power and control to another.
  • It’s so much more than tasks and chores. It shapes the way you think, feel, eat, sleep, and breathe.
  • Submission is beautiful, gentle, uplifting, and enriching when you’re in a healthy relationship with a dominant who also knows what they desire and are prepared to lead.
  • Submission can be all-consuming, especially if you live it 24/7. You accept your role and then begin to build your life around it.

I wanted a collar that represented my undying, unwavering devotion to the Captain. I wanted a collar that would remind me of the literal weight of my choices. Long ago I thought that steel collars were a bit too “hardcore”. But now, I wear one myself. This collar has to be screwed together. It is forged in steel and engraved with a word that means so much to the Captain and I. It is simple, yet weighs a bit around my neck. It has a hoop for play (or punishment) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our journey as a D/s couple hasn’t been easy. It was filled with obstacles. We still continue to work everyday as we grow, shift, change, and evolve. Only this time… we do it together. ❤

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My collar now ❤ 

This collar that I wear now represents my journey in understanding who I am as a woman, wife,  and submissive. It is something that I will never take lightly nor ever take for granted.

I’d like to end this post with this final thought: that book that I read years ago about BDSM was wrong. Collars are representative of the people that brought them together. It doesn’t matter what they’re made of, what matters is the intention behind them. Move slowly and choose the collar that is right for you both. Pick one that speaks to your soul in a way that nothing else does.

Before we became a D/s couple the Captain wrote me a poem. (This was at the start of our marriage). A section of the poem almost foretold the collar that I wear today when he wrote:

It was a love built in pain and joy,

Like the forging of steel, two souls became one.

He lives each day for her,

And she cherishes him with everything she is.

Together they rise and face the storms,

Hand in hand united by unconditional love.

I hope you all have a beautiful day. Sending you big hugs, and positive vibes. Until next time!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

8 comments

  1. Thank you for sharing. i loved your four points on Submission.
    The poem is wonderful.
    Had to look up Myrmidom and thought i would post them here if you don’t mind ( love #2)
    Definition of myrmidon
    1capitalized : a member of a legendary Thessalian people who accompanied their king Achilles in the Trojan War
    2: a loyal follower
    especially : a subordinate who executes orders unquestioningly or unscrupulously

    Liked by 2 people

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