Honey, Get Me Some Vino! [April Humor Month True Stories, Day 1]

Good Morning Friends!

Did you know that April is National Humor Month? πŸ™‚ Yes, today is all about the giggles and taking a moment from self-isolation boredom to laugh, relax, and have a good time. A while back a dear friend of mine found out that I’ve been an online roleplayer for 13+ years and said, “Gosh! I bet you have some crazy stories!”. That I do, my friend. That I do. But first, a quick definition:

Online Roleplaying: when a person creates an online video game character and embodies that character (like an actor on the theater stage) to give them personality, a story, etc. and then interacts with other people in the video game world.

Now, given that this is a BDSM-themed blog, I have chosen 25 of my juiciest stories for you all to laugh, gawk, and smirk to. But before we dive into today’s story, I wanted to share this hilarious video of professional sportscasters using their skills in their own self-isolation. It made me roll with laughter! Let’s take a look:

Today’s story is called “Honey, Get Me Some Vino” because that’s exactly what I said the night that this incident happened to me. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in! πŸ˜‰

Years ago I was playing very popular online video game, “World of Warcraft” with my usual circle of friends. We had created a guild together and got along well. One guy in particular was close friends with the Captain and I, and we all often ran dungeons, raids, etc. together. It was fun times. Like us, he was a very chill type of dude. Unlike us, he was a pothead. But there was no judgement. He simply gave us plenty of giggles as we all spoke on Mumble over headsets. Let’s call this guy… Fred. (Obviously not his real name ❀ ).

Fred had a long time girlfriend named Wilma who was also a gamer, but she didn’t play WoW. However, often times late at night we would hear her in the background laughing and chatting away through Fred to say things to the Captain and I. Couple-to-couple things were fun, silly, and an all around good time. At that time I was also an officer of our guild. Being an officer of any online guild with more than 20 people meant dealing with petty drama and organizing events regularly. It kept me busy and at times, tired.

Well one night Fred messaged me privately and said that he wanted to talk to me about something late that night after the raid. Okay, fine. Later that evening when my house was quiet, and it was just the Captain and I gaming, I popped into a private chat channel with Fred.

“Hey!” I chirped happily. “Hey!” he said, equally as happy, “I have a surprise for you!”.

Pause here for a moment.

I don’t do surprises. If there’s one thing you may or may not know about me… it’s that I don’t like surprises. Why? Because often times people get them all wrong. You pick the wrong flowers. You choose the wrong gift. You planned a vacation that suddenly gives me a wave of anxiety the size of a tsunami. Yeah, I’d much rather be asked if I would like to do something before we just… jump in.


“I have a surprise for you!” he said. My eyebrow quirked as I sat there on my headset. “Oh?” I asked. “Yeah, well… Wilma and I know how stressed you’ve been running the guild and all, so we wanted to do something sweet for you” he said. I tilted my head. My curiosity was piqued. I knew that like the Captain and I, they were also a kinky couple. We had just never fully discussed that “rabbit hole” at length with one another. Suddenly Fred said in an excited, and very anticipating voice: “I’m going to put my headset on Wilma so you can talk to her. We want you to command her what to do to me sexually, and we are going to do it right here, right now… for you!”.


My jaw dropped.

I felt air slowly seep from my lungs as I turned Fifty Shades of Red. I stammered. I stuttered. I was at a loss for words. Me? Command?!!! Wait, they want to have sex… with me directing them… right now?!!! Oh boy.

“Okay?” he asked me when my headset grew silent for a solid 10 seconds. “Mhmm….” I said, trying to think of what to do. I muted my headset. “HONEY, GET ME SOME VINO!!” I barked. This would require a glass of white wine, stat!

I un-muted my headset. Suddenly I heard a bubbly, cute girl pop on the headset telling me, “I’m ready”. It was showtime. I took a sip of chilled white wine and sat up in my chair. I had never envisioned myself creating a porn scene before, but… it was time to flex my creative muscles. Drawing upon my knowledge from videos and personal experiences, for the next hour I had them all over each other. I blushed and down that glass of wine as moans and sloppy sounds filled my ears.

The Captain was also smirking and listening on.

It was a kinky, wild night for sure. As their moans turned to ragged, breathy sighs I sat back in my chair. I lifted my nearly empty glass of wine to them from afar and said, “thanks for the gift!” suppressing a giggle. “Thank you!” they said and we all headed to bed.

And that was one night of many crazy, online fun stories that I experienced! I can’t wait to share more with you every day this month as we remember to laugh and support one another. I know times are bleak and difficult right now. I know staying self-isolated can be difficult mentally. So, let’s remember to laugh, joke, and do things to bust out of the blues and band together. πŸ™‚

Stay safe, healthy, and happy everyone! See you back here for the next story! ❀

Much love,

~Kitten xx


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