Good Evening Friends!
It’s funny how life gets so busy and these small blog series gets lost here and there. A huge shout out to a very special reader who brought it to my attention to finish this 5-part series. ❤ Thank you so much! If you missed part 1, “How to Submit 101 Series: It isn’t supposed to be easy”, I encourage you to go back and give it a read. Tonight we’re going to dive into surrendering power and your image to your dominant.
We often hear the phrase “total power exchange” in the world of BDSM, but for those new to the lifestyle, or those still creating the foundation of their D/s relationship, it can be difficult to understand how to actually surrender power! In so many of the BDSM books on the market that I’ve read, very few have devoted chapters that detail how to actually give your power and free will to your dominant! Now isn’t that silly? 🙂 It’s such an important part of the D/s dynamic, so tonight I’m going to break down how to submit your power to your partner, and how your image is representative of your relationship. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in. ❤
I. Surrendering Your Power Begins with Trust:
As you’re developing your D/s relationship one of the most important pillars you’ll need to have in place is trust. So often we say that we trust our partner, but in the world of BDSM trust comes to the forefront very quickly. Unlike vanilla relationships where you have the liberty to speak your mind whenever, or to do things as you please, as a submissive you are adhering to the guidance of your dominant. Therefore, you will need to make sure that they are of a sound mind, body, and soul. In other words, you will need to trust that they are a healthy dominant who can uplift and nurture you to being the best person (and submissive) that you can be. This trust begins with getting to know your partner. (And I mean really getting to know them!). Don’t be afraid to ask them questions that every dominant should be able to answer. As you get to know your partner, trust will form. They will better understand your mind, heart, and your needs, and you will learn theirs as well.
As the trust blossoms you two might begin to explore play sessions, or weaving the D/s (or Cg/l) dynamic into your lives more regularly. Your trust will deepen as you and your partner demonstrate that you can adhere to the rules and boundaries that you agree upon from the start. You will be able to submit with greater ease once you see that your dominant respects your hard and soft limits, and that they understand the safety and care needed for more R.A.C.K.- type play sessions. (R.A.C.K. = Risk Aware Consensual Kink).
Take the time to get to know your partner. Your journey into submissive training doesn’t have a start or finish date. There is no “set time” that you need to complete your training for your dominant. There isn’t an average or standard time that most submissives train by. Your relationship is your own. Move at your own speed. Once you do, the trust will come. And where there is trust, there is also the comfort to surrender your power to then obey your dominant.
Pro Tip: Take all the time in the world to get to know your partner. The more trust you build together, the easier it will be to submit your power.
II. Power Exchange Relationships Need Consistency:
Some of the biggest challenges that D/s couples face are all of the obstacles that the vanilla world throws in our path each and every day. These obstacles can pile up, and if you aren’t making space and time to tap into the dynamic between you two then there can be trouble on the horizon. Trust me, the Captain and I understand. Through our own journey over the years we have had to recenter and focus on each other time and time again to develop the habit of consistency. This is especially helpful if you have children or people living with you that are not in the lifestyle. You will need to become a master at multi-tasking. Your submissive will crave for your guidance, but guess what? You just got home after a long day at work. You’re tired! I get it. Those moments when you need to push a tiny bit harder will define the course of your relationship. This is when I encourage you to apply the “Once A Day” rule to your life.
Once A Day Rule: Do one thing every day no matter how large or small that mentally allows you to tap into your dominant or submissive part of your mind.
If you’re flat exhausted and your Little is begging for your attention, turn on their favorite animated movie. You will put them into little space and all you need to do is to cuddle them close. If your slave is silently waiting for your command, allow yourself to relax in your favorite chair or couch. Stroke their hair as you unwind. Those small tasks are still commands, but consistency is key. It’s easy to get swept up in your own bubble of social media, emails, sports games, etc. but your submissive needs you. They need to hear you call them by their sub name. They need your touch, presence, and guidance. They need to simply have you there, (whether virtually or physically), to know that their dominant is an active part of their life. Make the space and time to be a consistent presence in your submissive’s life. It will create a solid, lasting foundation for your relationship.
Pro Tip: Small acts of kindness and guidance towards your submissive go a very long way. Make sure to implement them regularly.
III. Be Proactive In Your Submission:
Once upon a time, I used to be the girl who would tell the Captain, “I don’t want to tell you to do <insert task>. I want you to want to do it for me… because if I tell you what I want, then it will cheapen the whole experience!”. I wasn’t trying to be malicious, but now that I look back at my actions all I can do is laugh. I had put the Captain in a position where I was basically asking him to be a mind reader! I wanted him to do exactly what I wanted him to do without my guidance or suggestions. I mean…. what?! That’s crazy!! First of all, back in those early days I confess that I was “topping from the bottom”, or trying to control the Captain while still trying to act like a submissive. My friends, a D/s relationship doesn’t work that way. You either let your dominant lead, or you don’t. If you’re a switch and there is fluid power exchange, great! But if you aren’t and you have a traditional D/s dynamic (like us) then you have to learn to let go.
But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be proactive about your needs!
One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned as a submissive that has allowed me to surrender power to the Captain, is to be proactive about my wants and needs. I tell him openly and honestly about what my needs are. I don’t sugar coat things. I don’t suppress my desires if they bubble up. I lay it all out there. Now, what he does with it is up to him, but at least I put it all out there for him to be aware of. 😉 Do you understand? Allow your dominant to know your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, desires, etc. inside and out. Put it all out there and be as clear and transparent as you possibly can be. Your dominant should be receptive in listening to your innermost thoughts and feelings. Don’t make the same mistake that I did and sit around waiting for your dominant to “figure out what you want”. Go get’em! ❤
Pro Tip: The best thing you can do to continue to solidify your D/s bond is to regularly share your thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants with your dominant.
IV. Polishing What is Already Beautiful:
I’d like to shift things a bit and discuss how to submit power to your dominant over your image. In previous posts I’ve discussed allowing your dominant to mold your image in a way that they find pleasing to the eye. I’d like to clarify that there is a give and take to this process. Who you are right here, right now, in this moment is enough. You are BEAUTIFUL! If your dominant doesn’t think you’re beautiful when you get together, run. They aren’t worth your time! You want your dominant to expand upon your already-beautiful self to enhance the parts of you that YOU wish to work on. For example: I asked the Captain to help me lose a bit of weight. He makes me feel beautiful each and every day, but y’all… I have some fluff on my hips, hehe! I know that I would feel sexier if I lost a few pounds, so he and I have been working out together here in self-isolation. Thus far, I’ve lost 5 pounds. Have your dominant sit down with you and discuss with them what you wish to change about your image. Of course I encourage you to get their feedback, but your dominant should be guiding you into polishing parts of yourself that are already beautiful. ❤
Pro Tip: Let your dominant guide you with tender, loving care to nurture the parts of yourself that you wish to change. But never forget that you are already beautiful!
V. Guiding the Divine Within Your Submissive:
The last point I’d like to mention is that image isn’t all about the physical. The power and influence that dominants have over their submissive also extends into the mental and spiritual levels. I believe that each one of us has a divine energy within our core. We can call this our soul, ka, chi, etc. but it’s all the same thing. It’s that essence of you that is sacred and unique. It’s what makes you…. you! ❤ Your dominant has an enormous responsibility to be mindful in how they guide and nurture you. So, dominant’s lend me your ear for a moment.
As your submissive surrenders power to you, it is your responsibility to ensure that each and every task you give comes from a place of love. You want to always be teaching your sub to have self-love, self-respect, and deep care for who they are. You are their teacher and role model. You will be governing not only their body, but their soul as well. Move cautiously and think twice before you act. Be mindful of your speech and use compassionate communication and active listening when things get heated in disagreements. Look upon your submissive not only as someone giving their all to you, but as someone turning over their heart and soul as well. Cherish them with all that you are, and protect their heart and soul. You’ve got this! I believe in you! 🙂
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here. And I will see you back here for the next topic!