How to Submit 101, Part 4: Submitting Your Body

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This is the Captain and I in bed LOL

Good Morning Friends!

I hope you all are staying happy and healthy. Today we’re going to talk about our bodies and submission. How do you completely surrender your body to your dominant? Is the concept of surrendering your body merely a sexual thing? In today’s post we’re going to look at various aspects of submitting your body, and how you can feel more deeply connected to your dominant by surrendering your physical self. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in!

In the world of B.D.S.M. when we think about the idea of “submitting your body” many people automatically assume that we’re talking about sex. We can thank Hollywood for portraying the concept of physical submission as purely a display of sexual surrender. But in truth, the act of submitting your physical form can extend to the emotional and spiritual levels to include: self-image, self-love, self-worth, etc. This is where I’d like to draw our attention to today. If you’re curious to know more about various positions of prostration within submission or sex positions to spice up the bedroom simply click these links. ❤

I. Love Your Body Where You Are: 

For as long as I can remember I have been shy when getting naked in front of another partner. I’m that girl who naturally crosses her arms over her chest and squeezes my thighs together to prohibit my panties from sliding down my thighs. As a plus sized woman, I have had a life long battle to build up my self-esteem. When I entered the D/s lifestyle, this weakness of mine or my lack of self-esteem, became apparent quite quickly to the dominants that I connected with. Each one of them helped me discover within myself a strength that I didn’t know was there. As a submissive, when you decide to fully surrender your body, mind, and soul to your dominant, there is the mental concept that your body no longer belongs to you. It is the property of your dominant. This can be a deep struggle for many submissives with body image issues or issues about self-worth. My advice to you is to begin loving your body where you are presently.

Your dominant doesn’t care if you have a toned tummy and ripped thighs. They don’t care if you look like a fitness model or if you have long, silky hair. Having goals as a couple and working towards them is one thing. But with a healthy dominant you’ll find that they are more focused on nurturing your inner self to push you towards whatever goals you have. Let go of the narrative that tells you that your body isn’t good enough, pretty enough, or thin enough to be tied up. Love yourself in the here and now because that will radiate in your behavior and the how you carry yourself.

II. Let Your Image Reflect the Real You: 

I wish I could send out a mass PSA to the entire global B.D.S.M. community and tell every submissive that how you look and present yourself is enough. Ladies I want to pause here and tell you that you don’t need long hair to be sexy. You don’t have to have a “grip-able” ponytail to be hot in the bedroom. To every submissive, when you embrace your most authentic self, and let that shine in your clothing, hair, piercings, tattoos, etc. then you will radiate a confidence like no other. When I told the Captain that I wanted to shave my head for the first time I expected him to flip out. Deep down I had always envisioned myself as some zen monk. I wanted my outside to reflect my inner desires. I wanted to be bold. I wanted to be daring. I wanted to have no hair!! The Captain looked at me with a slow smirk and said: “Should I hold the razor, or would you like to do it?”. Yes, I asked his permission before my long, curly locks fell to the floor. But as my dominant, he knew that he needed to support my conquest as I continue to blossom into my most real, true sense of self. It felt liberating. (Not to mention that my head felt great!!).

In your own journey of submission I challenge you to use your body as a vessel for expressing yourself. Wear your hair how you’d like… or have no hair at all! 🙂 Get that piercing that you’ve always been curious about. Dye your hair every color of the rainbow if it makes you feel confident. Your dominant will want to visually see your spark shine in how you present yourself to them. So go ahead and take that daring leap to switch things up a bit. You won’t be sorry!

III. Using Touch as a Love Language: 

I have to preface this section by saying that every D/s couple functions differently. Some couples are more high-protocol, where the submissive can’t just reach out and touch the dominant at will. Other couples are more relaxed and casual, where they can smush up to their dominant when the mood strikes them. The Captain and I both use touch as a primary means of expressing our love, or in other words, we use touch as our love language. If you’re unfamiliar with love languages, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a fabulous book called “The 5 Love Languages” in which he breaks down five major categories that most people fit into when it comes to giving and receiving love. As a touch-oriented person, it comes naturally to me to reach out and grab my Daddy’s hand when I want to feel him close. I don’t ask for permission because he and I have an understanding that if we need to touch each other, we simply do. Likewise, without a word said the Captain will come behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. He knows that hugs calm my entire nervous system down.

Touch is such a fabulous way for human beings to express love to one another. In your own D/s relationship I encourage you and your partner to explore touch in various ways. Here are a few personal favorites that the Captain and I have been using lately while self-isolating:

  • Give each other daily back massages
  • Have your dominant tenderly stroke your head/hair until you fall asleep for a gentle nap
  • Hold hands as you take a walk together. (Don’t forget to stay at least 6 feet away from other people. You know what? Make that 15 feet for good measure! 😉 )
  • Cuddle up to a movie or show. (The Captain and I are currently watching “Unorthodox” on Netflix. It’s SO captivating!).
  • Cook a meal together and give each other loving touches as you dance around the kitchen to music
  • Try meditative breathing (and cold showers!). We are hooked on The Wim Hof Method of deep breathing to create a more alkaline body.

IV. Giving Yourself Permission to Regress: 

This last section is for all my fellow-Littles out there. I know we’re in a pandemic. And I know things are stressful. I know that life is turned upside down and inside out at the moment, BUT… I challenge you to give yourself permission to regress. Even in the midst of homeschooling my kiddo, keeping the family healthy, navigating online grocery shopping for the first time, and working on my writing… I’m still making space to regress into little space. In truth, I need little space. I need it now more than ever. Little space is a mental headspace where you can let go and not have to worry about all the big, bad, crazy, s*** out there! You can be small, happy, and joyful. You can cling to your dominant and do something fun together.

Find small ways to ease off of the stress and tap into “Little Me”. Allow yourself to dive into your version of little space. However that looks like for you, DO IT!! ❤ Have some fun! Yes, your little space might include washing your hands several times, and wearing a mask should you go outside, but it’s so worth it. Your dominant will want to see you able to regress into the mindset. And where the mind goes, the body will follow. Give yourself permission to dance around the house in cute clothes. Take the time to have an impromptu tea party. Snuggle up to those plushies. Let your Little light shine!!

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

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