How to Submit 101, Part 5: Submitting Your Personality

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Good Morning Friends!

How are you? Are you staying healthy, safe, and self-isolated? I hope wherever you are you’re getting some sun on your face and washing those hands! ๐Ÿ™‚ Today is the final post in the “How to Submit 101” series. For those new to my blog, welcome! I’m so glad you’re here. My name is Kitten, an Adult Little in a Cg/l relationship with my Daddy (and husband), The Captain. If you missed the first 4 posts in this series, I encourage you to go back and give them a read. Let’s take a look back at what we’ve learned thus far:

Today we’re going to discuss how to submit your personality, and to enter your D/s relationship with an open mind and heart. Who you are as a person is an ever-evolving and fluid part of yourself. In more simple terms, who you are today will likely not be the same person that you are one year from now. Events and experiences shape and change all of us. So too, will the experiences in your D/s relationship shape and change your mind. Today we will discuss how to use your personality to elevate your D/s relationship. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in! ๐Ÿ™‚

I. Be Honest About Your Weaknesses:ย 

Go to any BDSM blog and you’ll likely find a section on communication within a D/s relationship. Within the world of domination and submission, having open and transparent communication is more important than ever. Being in a power exchange relationship means that you’ll need to dig deep within yourself to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with your partner. Your dominant will need to know what your strengths and weaknesses are so that they are better able to guide you. For many, this task can feel unsettling and difficult to overcome, but I encourage you to create a space with your partner where you both feel safe opening up emotionally. Expressing your weaknesses to your partner is actually a sign of inner strength! It demonstrates that you have done the necessary self-reflection to understand where your faults and weaknesses lie, and now you are seeking extra guidance and support from your partner to overcome these obstacles. So… be real about it! Lay it all out there without “sugar coating” your words. Be 100% clear about where you need some extra help.

When I’m opening up to The Captain about an area of my life where I need guidance we usually carve out time to practice active listening. I begin by telling him that I need to make space for his full attention. This lets him know that I have something on my mind that needs to be expressed. Then, we find a quiet place away from our kiddo to just be a couple. He knows that in this safe space all he needs to do is listen. There are several steps we move through in these types of conversations:

  • Venting
  • Acknowledgement
  • Clarification
  • Understanding

First I begin by telling him the problem area in which I need his help. I put it all out there about why it’s difficult for me, and why I’ve been struggling with the weakness on my own. Once everything is off of my chest then he steps in to reiterate that he has heard me fully. (Eye contact as a couple is key here). Then it’s his turn to ask questions to either further probe me for answers, or to suggest ideas and get my feedback so that he can move forward as a dominant with greater ease. Finally we wrap up the conversation with a plan on how to conquer the weakness together. We have an understanding of the plan and know what steps need to be taken. It works quite well, and I hope this method helps you out too! ๐Ÿ™‚

II. Be Open to Instruction and Change:ย 

Entering into a D/s relationship also assumes that both parties understand that change will occur on both sides. Your dominant will begin shifting their schedule and thoughts to revolve their life around you. Likewise, I encourage you to be open to instruction and change as the submissive. Most dominants will put rules in place for you to follow. These rules are designed to give you guidance, comfort, and to strengthen skills that were discussed beforehand. Be open to welcome the change. Your life will change when you enter a D/s relationship, but that’s okay! Consenting to a D/s relationship means that you don’t want to do things on your own. You want to have your dominant’s guidance. Let your walls down. Listen to their voice of reason. Trust their judgment and understanding to then follow the rules and complete your tasks. You’ll find that your life will take on a new rhythm and pattern. Enter into this new chapter of your life with an open and willing heart.

III. Use Your Natural Talents to Uplift Your Dominant:ย 

One of the most beautiful aspects of entering into a relationship is that you bring natural talents of your own to the dynamic. Everyone has something to give. Maybe you’re extroverted and bubbly? Maybe you’re tender-hearted and deeply compassionate? Perhaps you’re creative and love diving into arts and crafts? Look within yourself and make a list of all the natural talents that you possess. Then, think about ways to use your talents in your D/s relationship. Your God-given abilities are traits that can uplift your dominant and strengthen the bond that you share. For example: I am super creative but not very tech-oriented. The Captain is super technical and thinks logistically, but struggles with creativity. Together… we make this blog! ๐Ÿ™‚ I write the content and he organizes the pages, etc. He also does the video editing for my YouTube channel. (Thanks Daddy!! โค ) What talents are you ready to share with your partner? I know you have tons of talent, love, and traits to give to your partner. Go spread the love! ๐Ÿ˜‰

IV. Focus on What Your Dominant Loves About You:ย 

I’d like to end this blog series by reminding all my fellow submissives that your dominant chose you for a reason. There is a beautiful, amazing spark within your being that makes you… YOU! Your dominant sees that within you. Never forget to focus on why your dominant chose you in the first place. Many Caregivers choose their littles because we are happy, joyful, deeply feeling, silly beings. Masters/Mistresses, Lords/Ladies, etc. also choose their submissives because they are loving, obedient, willing, understanding, nurturing, and giving beings. If you’re struggling to understand why your dominant chose you to be their partner… ask! Sit down and ask your dominant why they picked you to be their partner. It’s likely that these feelings are stemming from a place of self-doubt and a lack of self-esteem. (Trust me… been there, done that!). But your dominant loves you. They love you! They want to see you thrive and to feel their love and desire. Lean into them and embrace their love. Let it seep into every cell of your body. Wrap yourself in the stability of your D/s bond, and allow yourself to enjoy living this lifestyle, because being in a D/s relationship is truly a sacred gift.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

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