Sex in Little Space, Part 7: What to Do When Your Partner Falls Out of the Moment


Good Morning Friends!

We’re almost done with this blog series, but today I wanted to write about what to do when things don’t go according to plan. Just the other day the Captain and I had the most hilarious moment happen during a play session. There we were in the wee hours of the morning. We were both in the mood. I was feeling happy and small, and without words being said, we gave each other the green light to get frisky. But… the Captain and I aren’t exactly young anymore. At 35 years old we need a little bit of help here and there to rev up our engines. This time it was me who needed a bit of assistance south of the border. Tumbleweeds rolled by down there and I signaled that I needed a bit of lube, lest he wanted to chafe himself (lol). “I’ll be right back” he muttered and disappeared into the bathroom.

Now I assumed that he was going to get our jar of coconut oil. He knows that I have extremely sensitive skin. The room was dark and I was relaxed, ready to smell heavenly and connect with my husband. He returned and I felt a jelly-like dollop of lube on my petal-y folds. It was not coconut oil. It was lube. Warming lube! He rubbed some on himself and we proceeded to be intimate. Not 30 seconds later both he and I looked at each other with wide eyes. “Babe!” I yelped, “Did you grab the warming lube??”. He quickly scrambled off of me and raced for the diaper wipes. We were both tingly and hot… and not in a good way! After wiping ourselves down it was safe to conclude that sex wasn’t happening. We laid there in the darkness. All of a sudden I laughed… and laughed… and laughed! He started laughing right next to me. What a silly mistake we made! 🙂 ❤ Sometimes you can fall out of the moment over things big and small, but it’s how you recover and come back together that matters. Are you ready to discuss this with me? Then, let’s dive in!

I. Laugh at the Hiccups: 

I can promise you that there will be unexpected moments that happen that will totally throw off a play session. Mistakes happen. Life happens. I encourage you to laugh at the silly hiccups. If something more serious happens, or an emotion bubbles up that is more intense, stop and discuss things together. You won’t enjoy yourself if your partner is struggling to stay in the moment. There was no way the Captain and I could continue to be intimate whilst our genitals felt like they were on fire, hehe! So, you stop… clean up… and laugh. Life can be silly and unpredictable, but that is what makes it so beautiful too.

II. Sometimes You Need to Press Restart: 

My husband happens to work in the IT industry. I am probably the most technologically-inept person on the planet. We make a good pair. 🙂 As someone who hates technology with a passion, he always asks me: “Did you try restarting?”. I can’t tell you how many times he has said that to me over the years. But the act of restarting is a valuable lesson. Sometimes the problem that bubbles up in a play session isn’t complicated. It simply means you need to stop, examine the problem, and restart again. You need to take a pause to allow things to cool back down before you can move forward again. So the next time that you are getting “hot and heavy” and the moment suddenly shifts… press restart! Slow things down, and give you and your partner a pause to re-center before you begin again. That moment will be invaluable.

III. Always Come Back to Love:

Over the past 7 years that the Captain and I have been together, I confess that we have had moments, (during play sessions), where heated tensions popped up. “That’s not what you’re supposed to do!” I said to him once. At the time I didn’t realize that I was “topping from the bottom”. I was playing director and the main actor of the moment all at the same time. But D/s relationships aren’t meant to work that way, as you know. “If you know so much” he countered, “then why don’t YOU lead?”. That put me in my place real quick!

There will be moments where tensions flare up between you and your partner. There might be moments where emotions shift in a play session and your sub suddenly begins to cry. In those moments it is imperative for you to stop everything and re-center you both from a place of love. At the end of the day beyond D/s or Cg/l you are a couple. You are two legal adults engaged in a deep, committed relationship. The emotional and physical well-being supersedes anything else. Approach them from a place of love. Ask tender, gentle questions to help your sub open up about what they are feeling. Practice active listening so that both you and your partner are heard and can understand each other. Then you will be able to refocus and move on together.

IV. Taking Control of the Situation Again: 

I’m not going to tell you that it’s easy to regain control of a play session once things are derailed. But the most important step to regaining control is to acknowledge the mistake. If you made a mistake in a play session, acknowledge it. Apologize to your partner, and then gently regain control. Even if you need to change plans completely, guide your sub into a place of aftercare and love. Focus on being in control of the situation, but in a gentle and tender way. Use clear but calm speech, and keep eye contact with your partner. This will demonstrate to your sub that you can take charge in varying situations with an understanding head.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the final installment of this series!

Stay safe, happy, and healthy!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

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