The Littlest Tomboy, Part 2: The Freedom of a Gender Fluid Mindset

gender-fluid-tout

Good Morning Friends!

I hope you all had a wonderful, relaxing weekend. As we settle into a new week, today we are returning to the new series, “The Littlest Tomboy”, a blog series that focuses on non-girly Littles and everyone out there who breaks the Cg/l stereotype in some way. When I was pregnant with my daughter I remember thinking that I specifically was going to put her in yellow and green clothing. As I browsed the baby sections of stores it was clear to me that society had created a division for children based upon gender. Boys were steered towards objects with primary colors, sports logos, science, and math. Girls were steered towards pastel colors, cupcakes, princess logos, and stars. Boys had toys of little hard hats and tool belts. Girls had barbies and toy vacuums. It was clear that big box retailers were creating a division in a way that didn’t need to happen. I wanted something different for my daughter. And apparently she wanted the same.

As my daughter grew, though I tried to introduce her to “Dora the Explorer”, she made it clear early on that she preferred watching “Fireman Sam”. She wanted to be one of the “Little Einsteins” who composed music, and she repeatedly reminded me of her hatred towards all things pink. Admittedly this was difficult at first. Growing up, my mother put me in dresses aplenty complete with tights! But my daughter reminded me that masculine and feminine energy lives within us all. It’s a ever-shifting flow as we move through life finding our tastes, preferences, and hobbies.

Today we’re going to discuss how we can remove these binary divisions set by society, to instead embrace the concept of each person being a human being. There are things you can do within your Cg/l relationship to focus less on gender and more on the person itself. There are tools and tricks you can incorporate to support a more gender-fluid mindset, regardless of how you identify, that will support your Little’s ability to express themselves as they wish. Are you ready to explore this with me? Then, let’s dive in! πŸ™‚

I. Smashing Down the Binary Division:Β 

As you’re beginning to explore Little Space with your submissive, one of the first things that I encourage you to do is to find ways to get your Little into little space. For some, their environment matters. They need plushies, cute bedding, and liberty to paint their room to reflect their Little side. Other littles rely on direction from their dominants behavior to regress mentally. As you connect with your little, think about embracing a more gender-fluid mindset. Allow your little to gravitate towards the things they enjoy, even if society says otherwise. Encourage your little to be their most authentic self. If your little girl wants to play with a chemistry kit, push her to do so. If your little boy wants to wear pink or slip into a dress, encourage them! Smash down those divisions of gender-based roles, and instead view your little as a unique individual. They are a beautiful person with their own blend of how they wish to express themselves.

Another important obstacle you might have to overcome as a non-traditional couple is addressing public comments while out and about. You are your Little’s guardian and protector. Never forget that. The day that I decided to shave my head, I knew that my Daddy would no doubt get looks too. As we walked out and about there were people who would stare at my peach-fuzz head. They would look at my husbands normal, black hair… and then my hair… and wonder if I was ill. Some would give us the “polite smile” while their eyes said all the criticism in the world. Yet, never once did my Daddy let me feel insecure. He would march proudly holding my hand, and even giving me kisses for all to see, that demonstrated that he supported who I am and how I am. You will need to support your Little’s look too. They will need you to protect them from wandering eyes and (perhaps) harsh comments from the greater vanilla world. Be prepared to guard and protect their heart. It’s one of the best things you can do for your relationship.

II. Supporting Your Gender Fluid Little:Β 

Your Little might identify as a certain gender, but they can still adopt a gender-fluid mindset by experimenting with their look, behavior, and environment. Encourage your little to experiment with their personal appearance in ways that they have always wanted to, but perhaps was too nervous to do so. Be ready to help them shave, clip, trim, color, etc. their hair and give them emotional strength when they feel insecure. Put items in your Little’s play environment that pique their interest. Introduce them to new toys and hobbies that you think they would enjoy. Sometimes we all just need a push in the right direction! πŸ™‚ But as you interact with your Little, consider who they are as a human being versus their gender. If your female little enjoys math… get her some fun math workbooks to complete together! If your little boy enjoys fashion, pull together a dress up box and vanity for him to explore! Allow them to feel joy in their space to express themselves completely.

Another fantastic way to support your little’s shifting energy is to weave things into your Cg/l date nights! There are tons of places to go out on a date as a Cg/l couple! Think outside of the box to take your Little to places that support who they are. Aim to put your Little in a place that makes them feel comfortable to express who they are. You want the date to go smoothly, and for you both to be at peace. Ecstatic dance, science museums, live theater performances, comedy clubs, improv classes, drag shows, the beach, etc. are all places that are generally “unisex date locations”, (meaning that they don’t aim to cater towards one specific gender). Ask your little where they would like to go for a date night, but be ready to provide options if they shrug their shoulders at you. (Trust me… I’ve done that to the Captain a lot too lol). ❀

Lastly, help your little find role models that resonates with them. Stick posters up in their space that remind them of people out there who are living their most authentic lives. This will be a positive, healthy influence for your little to see on a daily basis. You can easily get inexpensive posters of models, movie stars, etc. that your little feels drawn to, from magazines, retail shops, and online.

III. Human Beings Instead of DDLG, MDLG, MDLB, DDLB…

In the world of Cg/l we have so many labels: Cg/l, DDLG, DDLB, MDLB, MDLG, etc. And while it’s good to know the labels and such within our lifestyle, it’s also nice to step away from them too. Your dominant is a human being and so are you. You are two human beings coming together to connect in a special relationship dynamic. Power exchange is involved, and so is the need to regress into a mindset that feels deeply intertwined with your soul. Your dominant loves who you are as a person. Apart from labels of “Daddy Dom” or “Mommy Domme”… “Little Girl” and “Little Boy”… you are two souls sharing the company and pleasure of each other. View your partner as a human being that you’re walking with through life. Right now, in this time and space, you are sharing the company of your partner. What a beautiful thing that is! ❀

As you navigate your relationship with your partner, ask them what their preferred pronouns are. Have you ever stopped to think that, while your Little was born being labeled he or she, they might not want to use that pronoun? In this day and age we have the power to choose how we identify and the pronouns we prefer! Some littles will prefer he/him. Others might lean towards she/her or they/them. Still others might not like having a pronoun, but prefer to be identified with simply their name. πŸ™‚ Demonstrate your respect and love by empowering your little to pick the pronouns that resonate most with what they feel inside. And please, please, please consult your little on what little name they prefer before you assign one to them. It matters a lot!

IV. We’re All a Little Bit Queer:Β 

I’m going to wrap up this post before it gets too long. (My apologies! <3). I once heard a quote by former U.S. President John F. Kennedy:

“Conformity is the jailer of freedom, and the enemy of growth”. – JFK

Remember that we are all on a journey of self-exploration and expression. Your adult little is no different. Give them time, space, and support to discover who and how they feel inside. Be their biggest fan. Use supportive communication to show your interest in their evolving style and self. Guide them as needed, but also give your little power over their body. By being an advocate for their self-expression, they will turn to you with deep trust, love, and loyalty. Make the conscious choice to use language in your relationship that makes your partner feel supported in their personal identity. We are all a bit masculine and feminine. There is both within all of us, and everyone expresses that energy in different ways. It’s all a spectrum, my friends. Finally, never forget the single, most important question to ask your little when it comes to their personal identity: how do YOU feel inside today? Ask it, and then go with the flow. πŸ˜‰ ❀

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

2 comments

  1. Yes chicka! Gender fluidity is something that I’ve been quite open to for a long time, but never really given myself the label because I suppose I’m just too focused on and busy being me! I’m tomboyish and I’m wearing a black vest top today that has a kind of cut-up back. I feel more masculine, but yesterday I was wearing a navy v-neck top and feeling more feminine! I too was never into Barbie dolls and got kicked out of a local fayre because there was one of those Cupcake Princess dolls for sale that I was taken by so my Mum bought it for me, only then for me to be walking around with the doll’s skirt over my nose and mouth, taking deep huffs of the cupcake fragrance as I went! For me, water play was something that I loved, and still truthfully do, but my behaviours got chalked up as signs of autism. For me, they never were, they were just a great way to explore my imagination. I love non gender-specific creative and imaginary play, even as a thirty-something! Keep up the great work girly πŸ™‚ xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thanks, girly! ❀ πŸ™‚ I appreciate your beautiful, open, loving comment. Like you, I also have days where sometimes I feel more masculine and "in charge", while other days I feel much more girly and small. I love that all of us have the capability to shift and flow as things feel right inside. We needn't be defined by labels, barriers, or biological gender. Keep on enjoying the things you love, because the world needs more people like you! Big squeezes! xx πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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