Too Much of a Good Thing Can Be Bad [Kitten’s Rambles]

0f834fc5f3774a43ae721e8f4ed5ed1e

Good Morning Friends!

It has been a hot minute, (okay, almost two weeks!), since I last made a post on here. And while I have so many wonderful things to share with you, in today’s post I’d like to get candid for a moment. If you’re new here, welcome! My name is Kitten Kaboodle. I’m an Adult Little who is happily married to her Daddy, just living a quiet life on a farm. 🙂 If you’ve been following my blog for a while, then you’ll remember how I’ve discussed here and there about my anxiety disorder. For over a decade I’ve lived with, coped with, and have been working through my generalized anxiety disorder. Today I’d like to share more about that, and how I’ve been doing during self-isolation. So, if you’re here for all the Cg/l and BDSM stuff, please dive into the archives, and stay tuned for the next post in which I’ll have many more things to share. Now, let’s dive into mental health together! 🙂

My anxiety stemmed from a very traumatic incident back in my 20’s. Making that decision changed the trajectory of my life completely. As I moved throughout my 20’s, and now into my 30’s, the anxiety began to take hold. At first I couldn’t understand that this anxiety was my mind’s way of overcompensating and trying to protect me against further pain. I had developed this massive fear of being abandoned and losing everyone I love. I had reached a mental point between the rational and irrational thoughts and crested over into new territory. Looking back, it’s no surprise that I did, as I have a very creative mind. But I digress.

For the past year and a half I decided to tackle my anxiety head on. Therapy on and off for the past decade wasn’t solving the issues, so I turned to a team of doctors to help me wade through the muck. I began by ruling out anything super serious. At the time, I had been having horrible headaches (another side effect of anxiety), so I sought a neurologist and got an MRI. (That was a wild experience!). Thankfully, with a clean bill of a health and a normal brain scan, I was ready to move forward. It was then that I was prescribed SSRI’s. Lexapro to be exact.

Now, I have to get real here. Having been on anti-anxiety medication, and now living off of it, I can attest that it does help. Does it “solve” or cure the anxiety? No. But for me, what I felt was when I would begin to get anxious, I could only reach a certain level of fear before the medicine would step in to calm me down again so I could think rationally. I described it to my Daddy has having a “stop gate” of sorts inside of your body. Your anxiety can come in like a wrecking ball a la Miley Cyrus, but the medicine will be waiting there like a wall of steel to stop the train from completely mowing you over. Does that make sense? 🙂

So, I was on the medicine for a year as prescribed by my neurologist with the expressed intention of him taking me off of it after a year. And then my neurologist moved out of town! Poof! Gone! My super-cool doctor left the practice and I felt like a fish thrown out of the water. At the time I was right at the tail end of my year-long journey on Lexapro so I decided to just quit my medicine “cold turkey”. Don’t do that. *Wags my Little pointer finger*. The correct (and best) way to go off SSRI’s is to see your doctor and have them wean you off of them by slowly lowering the dosage.

As we moved into 2020, I felt empowered. I had implemented self-care practices and was armed with my heating pad, a cuppa, and my laptop to tackle my anxiety in the most natural way possible. I was determined to beat this beast once and for all!!

And then a pandemic hit the world.

And then we had to self-isolate (and still are…).

And then my life turned completely upside down.

I began using my heating pad daily for hours on end, basking in the warmth to soothe my fraying nerves and rising anxiety. And that, my dear friends, is why I’m writing this post. Too much of a good thing– a heating pad — can be bad. Now you’re probably sitting there thinking, “Kitten, what the heck are you talking about?!”. I’ll explain. Heat has always been a source of comfort for me as a person living with anxiety. I even wrote about it in an old post! And I quote:

Heat is glorious when you’re feeling anxious and in a state of age regression. Whether it’s a heat dish, a heating pad, a cup of hot tea or cocoa… heat can soothe and make you feel small and comforted. Heat gives us a subconscious feeling of safety. It’s a primal instinct to turn to heat when we are feeling small, unsure, and nervous. Think about camping. What is one of the first things you do when you get settled on your campsite? Start a fire! Yes, when I’m feeling Little for a reason other than my normal baseline of happiness and bubbles… I turn towards heat. Currently as I type this to you, I’m hugging my heating pad to my chest to self-soothe. It helps greatly.

Yeah…. that’s great. But I’d like to show you what happens when you over-use a heating pad accidentally, because that’s exactly what happened to me recently and why I’ve been M.I.A. As I left the heating pad on me for hours and hours daily, I noticed my very pale skin turn pink in these weird, squiggly patterns. It didn’t hurt. It wasn’t like a sunburn. But at the time, I shrugged it off as it would disappear an hour or so later. I even joked to my Daddy about it saying, “Babe, I’m turning into a lobster!”.

Then, a few weeks ago I noticed that those pink squiggly patterns would fade away leaving light brown squiggly marks in its place. As a self-professed hypochondriac, I immediately stared at my inner arm and blinked. This was not normal! I showed my husband my skin. Again, it didn’t itch or hurt. But there was hyper-pigmentation in this light brown squiggly pattern and that certainly wasn’t normal. It was time to see my dermatologist.

It turns out that you can mess up your skin from over-use of a heating pad, and it’s called erythema ab igne (or Toasted Skin Syndrome). While I had thought that I was soothing my anxiety, here I was slowly toasting my skin with the heating pad. I admit that it was on the hottest setting, as I love the feeling of heat. But I had no idea the damage I was causing. Once I found out what had happened I put the heating pad away. At first, it was strange. I had relied upon it for months to self-soothe, but the fear of permanently damaging my skin, (and possibly causing skin cancer!), freaked me out even more.

As I type this to you my skin has healed a great deal. It isn’t fully healed, but I’m well on my way. I’ll be having a follow up in a few months to make sure that no skin cancer spots have formed. Fingers crossed, my friends, that my skin stays clear. But the point in this whole post is that sometimes too much of a good thing can be really, really bad. Heat is great, but don’t do what I did and use it as a crutch. Times are hard right now. People are in pain and feel anxious. Let’s strive together to find balance in all that we do. Right now, I’m having to find other ways to self-soothe and care for myself. I’ll keep you updated all along the way. ❤

If you’ve read through this post, then thank you! You’re a rock star and I’m sending you a GIANT virtual hug. 🙂 I hope you stay “Little”, happy, and healthy. Until next time!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

8 comments

  1. Awww. You brave girl. okay, so i have two suggestions. First off, i’m so sorry your comfort item hurt you. That is really hard. Heating pad over use can also cause nerve damage and burns, so that it important to note as well. My solution is to use a heated THROW instead. It gets warm but not hot, can wrap all around me, and is very soothing. If i need more heat, i can add in a moist heat. In this case, a “bed buddy” (walgreens, amazon) that you heat in the microwave. i sprinkle mine with water and then microwave it for intense heat and then wrap it in a tea towel so i don’t burn myself. The anxiety dance is difficult. Those of us with trauma backgrounds are having to work super hard during this crisis to cope. Many hugs, friend. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jade, you are simply the sweetest! *hugs*! Thank you for such wonderful suggestions and the beautiful comment! 🙂 I will definitely check out a “bed buddy” and the heated throw. I miss using heat to soothe my nerves. I think having tools like this, especially during this time, is so important. Have a beautiful weekend, my friend! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Girl! I have GAD too (though mine dates back to toddler stage lol) and I COMPLETELY understand! You can be doing fine and then POOF! Wrecked. The lockdown hasn’t helped, I know.
    How about a bubble bath or a long, hot shower? Seriously, if I just need to melt it all away, that’s the way to go. I know, environmental impacts but hey, you’ll be a whole lot more ready to save the world if you feel just a little bit better in yourself. Sometimes you have to give yourself some leeway! I know I do.
    Take good care of yourself girly and I’m here if you need to chat 😊 Helen xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thanks, girly!! What great suggestions! ❤ Yes, I'm totally going to take more hot showers because they feel so soothing. (Sadly, I don't have a tub at all). Sending you massive hugs, my friend. Stay safe and healthy and message me if you need me! xx 🙂 ❤

      Like

  3. “Wrecking ball a la Miley Cyrus”. Perfect. I am also off of SSRIs as of 2 weeks ago (Sertraline/Zoloft). Apparently I haven’t made an appoinment with my psychiatrist in 3 months is why. Who knew? Yeah I’m an air head wihtout this stuff. I can attest to this with you a hundred percent that SSRIs cut the typical mental health experiences down to half. We’re still on utter turmoil, but in a lesser amount. God. That little amount helps a lot.

    Thanks for the virtual hug! I am gonna definitely stay little, happy and healthy in a bunch of different ways, too! As I’m stuck with the quarantine boredom and monotone, I’m learning that I can actually get burned out in my own way. Not through toasting skin, but in streaming every second of my life away to the servers of Twitch, talking to friends in Discord for oh so long, and just playing too many games without doing things in life that also make me human, like managing my time to eat, drink, and sleep. Oh, and to like read a book or something! It’s gonna be hard to juggle different soothing mechanisms. But believe me. I get the difficulty. Certain stuffies I imbue with my sadness energy, and whenever I want to use them again, I have to be sad, or else the stuffies will trigger me themselves to be sad. I got Animal Crossing recently via my boyfriend and I have played it so much for hours on end and enjoyed it that I felt myself becoming a hermit and even more isolated during quarantine! This addiction made me feel self-conscious and sad because I had other things I needed to do and even wanted to do, and I felt embarassed that to feel well that’s one thing I just HAD to do of all things. And it no longer could be a choice. Since then I’ve learned moderation and alternation.

    Stay safe my little friend. You did it for science. Now we know what not to do XD

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kuudere!! ❤ My dear friend, you are doing so well! Stay strong without the SSRI's but know that if you need to make an appt. and go back on them, that I totally feel you, girl. Your quarantine time actually sounds like loads of fun!! And now that you mention Twitch I might hop over and watch some streams. Hmmm… that does sound like fun 🙂 I'm so glad you're staying Little. Know that I'm sending you massive hugs and smiles all the way from the coast! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww. Thank you so much Berry. Have no idea how…happy you make me feel! ^^ *giddy squeal* thankfully I got my SSRI’s yesterday after my appointment. My psychiatrist said that I can always contact her if I ever run out though so that she can prescribe me an emergency 20 day supply. That’s nice. I never called her when I ran out because I’m terrified of phonecalls (and video called but I’ve been getting more familiar with those as quarantine has been a thing), and so didn’t know the email to contact her by and so never contacted her at all until we met up again in the virtual appointment. But she told me the email to contact her by and also about the app for CVS since that’s my pharmacy, and we talked about tools like that I can use next time I’m too anxious to pick up the phone (yay!).

        Thanks and stay safe and well, too! Idk if I’ve mentioned my Twitch already by it is called bearynervous. (Ikr so cute) The internet has been atrocious lately so I haven’t streamed for a decent period of time in forever 😦 And also the George Floyd case depressed me, and so did quarantine, and I didn’t want to stream during my depression so that I wouldn’t bring the energy into my streams. So my streaming life has been getting wrecked. Feel free to join me on Discord though, and I could always share my screen/gameplay on there. It’s a more local type of streaming that Discord added recently. ^^ Yayyy. Oh yeah, I probably mentioned I already have Ark on steam. And I’ve got a few other things on there too ^^ If we have anything in common. Take care and I’ll inbox you my contact info for those services so we can play and stay in touch there! ^^

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh my gosh!! I’m soooo happy for you, girly!! Getting back on your SSRI’s is a huge step, so give yourself a hug. I’ll be joining you in that “boat” soon ❤ And yes! I'm writing down on my sticky notepad as we speak your Twitch info, and I'll keep an eye out for your steam/discord info in my inbox. I loooove discord and chatting there, so I can't wait to chit chat the day/night away VERY soon! *BIG HUGS*!! xx

        Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s