Good Evening Friends!
I hope you all have had a restful weekend. Tonight we are slowing things down and re-visiting a topic which we touched upon in Tiny Talk Tuesday: Financial Domination. My dear friend, Kuudere, was kind enough to share her insights and experiences with financial domination as it is a regular part of her D/s relationship. Before we dive into tonight’s interview, if you haven’t subscribed to Kuudere’s blog, “Little Expectations”, please head on over and smash that follow button on her site. She has a wonderful blog full of creative, and insightful posts!
Now sit back, relax, and let’s dive into the interview. ❤
Question 1: As a Little, have you ever experienced findom in your own D/s relationships? If so, how did that arrangement come up? Is it anywhere in your contract?
Surprisingly, Daddy Doms like to woo you with their money already. They don’t know it, but they’re actually encouraging you to obey them by giving you what you want when you do, and it’s often in the form of presents, if you are a little. Little girls love presents. And over time…the more my Daddy rewarded me (rewards which often came straight from his pocket), the more he conditioned me to being spoiled. He taught me essentially how he wanted me to relate to money. He led with his luxury spending whenever he had the means, and I followed.
I currently just get gifts because he loves me as his girlfriend and as his little girl. I’m a nerd so that manifests itself in hella Steam games. In a way, I feel he financially dominates, because he decides where my money should go whenever I get any. I’m a student and by reminding me what I need to purchase whether I like it or not, giving me numerous recommendations on what brands to buy, and even giving me money for things I buy, or transportation that I use to get to him, our dynamic works because he really doesn’t want me to have to spend a pretty penny out of my pocket. :3 What he says goes, financially. But he knows me best and its consensual, so…in a way he’s my financial advisor more than my financial Dom! It still takes a level of humility and submission to listen to him, though, which I do!
Question 2: What is the most rewarding part of being financially dominated? What is the most difficult aspect of being financially dominated, and why?
I can speak from the perspective of the dominating and the dominated on this. I’ve fantasied being the one to financially dominate, and this is why I find the practice so rewarding. I have my agenda being fulfilled by someone, someone who actually is getting theirs fulfilled, too. It’s like we’re on two different sides of the same coin, fulfilling different roles, but getting equal enjoyment.
The reward of knowing someone trusts you, even if not because they’re close to you, but because they want something and are willing to trust someone, even you, in order to receive their fulfillment, is an amazing one. It feels like I’m being imbued with electrical energy and my conductor is their money. I can use that energy how I like. I can play with their desires, their will, their energy. And what’s best is that they’ll let me.
Question 3: There are many online findom services offered to people who view being dominated financially as a kink, or having a sexual attraction towards the aspect of being financially dominated. Do you view findom as a kink? Why or why not?
Anything can be a kink. I get turned on from lots of things, even food. Some things are moreover entertaining on a sensual level rather than arousing, but for this question, I will just say yes. Anyone can be into anything. And kink-wise, financial domination, which is what findom stands for (and which may get mistaken for femdom sometimes – which is a feminine dominant/the kinky culture behind being dommed by a feminine figure), is still very possibly able to get someone’s sexual gears turning. I’m not here to describe what a kink is, but the closest to something being very sensual and intimate and yet not a kink, I’d say, is ASMR. So…findom can be a kink, but it doesn’t mean it inherently is.
Actions and themes are just that. It’s not kimky unless you make it so, or unless it’s done for simply kinky reasons. At the very least being dommed in this way will give pleasure or satisfaction or even a sense of security of having someone in control over something so important to them. I can think of findoms as kinky slave masters as much as I can think of them as cautious well-meaning parents who just have a hold on someone’s account – something even a cg/l couple could implement within their dynamic. For less than kinky purposes even, because who says that all cg/ls are even kinky? They just really appreciate and prefer that kind of relationship first and foremost. Something isn’t kinky unless you make it.
Have I mentioned my own feelings on BDSM are actually heavily divorced from kink itself? It’s more of a hobby and a practice and even a form of self-discipline for me before it could ever make me wet or even make me feel sexual feelings towards a BDSM partner. The strongest and (sometimes only feelings) I feel doing BDSM is fulfillment. Like no-nut November isn’t kinky. It’s self-control. Some people even get into financial domination for that. Now you know, anything can be a kink, and anything can be particularly non-kinky, depending on the connotation the participants and practitioners are giving it.
Question 4: Why do you think people gravitate towards findom? Do you think it’s a safe kink for people to practice? Why or why not?
I think it’s safe. If you receive gifts or incentives for being a good girl or boy, you already have a power exchange in play. This is domination at its core. So, there you have it. There are more extreme forms of findom that can be at play in this universe, but there’s also the few dollars you want to give every now and then that wouldn’t hurt to stuff somewhere for later or absolutely throw away. Findom allows people to choose to be dominated with the money that they can spare to dominate.
The more extreme version could be titled Fin”slavery” like the more extreme version of being a submissive is considered being a slave. But for the most part findom can be as safe or as unsafe as you want it to be. It’s consensual and it’s got a spectrum like breath-play has, as a simply descriptive comparison. Lose too much breath and you’re in a hell of a lot of trouble. Also, the trouble can be shared by both dom and sub. Not everyone feels totally “safe” being in control of something so important.
That’s why boundaries are made and limits are construed between the parties. There’s no such thing as an non-consensual findom situation. If it’s not consensual…it’s not even fin-slavery (which is a word I think I just made up) in the context of BDSM. It’s abuse, and similar to the context of the word slavery in real life. See? How could that not be safe? People like what they like and speaking from experience, findom gives me a rush and makes me feel responsible, because whoever has my money in their account or possession is holding me accountable. And vice versa. And whoever’s money I’m holding in the name of findom, it’s upon a pact of accountability, too.
Question 5: In many instances, doms/dommes will use punishments and humiliation as a way of keeping the submissive obedient in the findom arrangement. Do you think that humiliation and findom should go hand in hand? Why or why not?
It’s pretty hot being able to see what the other person cherishes and spends their money on. It’s hot being able to control their spending like they are kids. And being able to play with their willpower and their finances. Also being able to blackmail them if they think they can even rebel is important, or the plan and the domination won’t be foolproof to their possible prodding. It’s pretty structurally sound that way and just like some people like cuffs and rope so they can truly feel dominated, so too do some people like agreed upon forms of consensual blackmail. Weird, yes, but why else were you on this post? 😉 To hear something that sounded less than awesomely ridiculous?
Question 6: What are some healthy ways that you think Littles can weave findom into their Cg/l relationship?
In any way that whatever and however you enjoy being a little/sub can be translated into money. At its barest, a lot if things can be. Gifts can also be part of financial domination and also is. Take an Amazon Wishlist for example. Use applications that are safe and try to keep your distance financially if you can. You want to play with your/others’ money, not jeopardize it. Maybe get something written down, too. Word of mouth isn’t the safest thing if something were to happen legally. But if you’re safe and do things to a non-extreme extent, nothing would probably need to come back to haunt you on a legal level! Just always know the rules of the game you wish to play and the legality behind whatever you do. In a BDSM context it is just as important to know what the laws in your state are. How else would you know which dungeons to choose and which physical activities are legal and moral to pursue? BDSM strives to create a fantasy that is still rooted in reality, safety, sanity, and consent. Why did I just sound so smart? XD
Question 7: Lastly, if a person wants to pursue incorporating findom into their life, what advice, resources, etc. would you recommend?
I’d recommend staying in the ballgame of knowledge and respecting the boundaries and limits of yourself and others. Dominating and even being dominated can be draining, and you can always change up what you want to do and your preferences anytime. You can go deep as or even scrape the surface of findom as much as you want. Educate yourself on what you’d need to know for it to be successful, including money matters. Domming a few bucks is different than Domming a bank account or credit card. And Domming someone close to you or someone your familiar with is different from Domming a total stranger.
There are different stakes for every variation you want to pursue. And you could just Dom people financially by streaming and squeezing out donations or selling a product online. Or for your limited time or digital attention. Just think outside of the box, and be safe. Only do this to the extent you can handle, don’t be pressured or pressure, and don’t get yourself into something you don’t thoroughly understand. There’s lots of findoms also, so if you’re planning to make sustainable money from it, know there’s competition. Learn a lot about your customers and your audience and about domination and submission in general. Lastly, be yourself.
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this interview! A big thank you again to Kuudere for shedding light on this topic. I hope you all enjoyed it. ❤ If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here. Don’t forget to head on over to Kuudere’s blog and show her some love. And I will see you back here for the next topic!