Good Evening Friends,
It has been a couple of weeks since I last posted, but it feels like eons since I’ve flexed my fingers in this space. I feel like I’m waking up from a hazy dream. There are times when life feels like a blur. We go through experiences that change us, and change the way we behave. So, too, did I recently go through such an experience. It humbled me and brought me to my knees. Yet, here I am. I’m still standing and not a day passes by that I don’t count my blessings to have my family… my friends… and to be loved.
Tonight I’m sipping my black tea just penning my thoughts into this space with you. In truth, I’m tired, but the Captain has tasked me with updating my blog so here I am. 😉 (I love being His obedient sub). So, where have I been?
I’ve been healing. I’ve been taking life much slower. The Captain and I have stepped back to read, learn, grow, thrive, and reconnect as husband and wife… Dominant and submissive… and my very best friend. ❤ It has been a slow, beautiful journey that continues to evolve each day.
We have also been running our Discord server. If you didn’t know, we run a BDSM server! It’s a small server with a core group of very loyal, compassionate, non-judgmental people. Each week the Captain and I host BDSM workshops (that run about an hour in length) that cover a variety of topics. We also host themes on our server that weave into games, trivia, etc. Our fellow admins help us out around the clock to host games, stream movies, and keep general chat lively. It’s a beautiful space that feels like a second family. If you’re interested in joining our server there is a link in the main menu of the blog here (at the top!). I welcome every one of you. Come as you are because that is enough. 🙂
Each year around my birthday I get introspective and quiet. I feel deeply thankful inside for another year that has come and gone. 2020 has been… quite the year. I think we all feel that way. But, I’m so thankful that it is a new season. I love the Fall and Winter. The world gets quiet and dark. The air gets crisp and cold. I love it when things slow down. I love snuggling up with Daddy and listening to his heartbeat. As the weather has turned cool, I’m quietly slipping away to nestle up with chapter books. You can find me tucked away under three blankets, book in hand, only peeking out if someone calls my name. 🙂
I know this post is jumbled and for that I apologize.
I guess what I’m trying to say is…
I’ve been like a butterfly going through metamorphosis. I thought I had wings and was flying high. But, then the wind was knocked from my wings and I landed with a crash to the ground. My wings broke for a bit there, and I needed time to heal. I couldn’t be that creature anymore. I needed to begin again. So, I slowed my world down to heal. In this space of quiet I mended myself… body, mind, and spirit. I grieved those I hurt, and made peace in my heart with those who had hurt me. I learned to begin again.
Sometimes it’s scary to begin again. We aren’t sure where to start. Taking that first step can give us the jitters like no other. But we begin again because the larger part of ourselves knows that there is light and hope at the end of the tunnel. We know that we will fly again. So, I couldn’t fly. I had to crawl. I had to move inch by inch, like a caterpillar, finding the “new normal”. Every emotion bubbled up as I made my way. But I was cocooned in the love of my Captain, my family, and my friends, and it was there that I began to heal.
Eventually the darkness lifted and I began to feel that tiny glow in the center of my core: hope. Faith. I looked upwards again. The weather changed from the never-ending summer heat, to the refreshing cool of Fall. I was able to breathe again. I began to smile a bit more. I took another step. This time I looked over my shoulder and saw a new pair of wings. They looked more sturdy (and a hell of a lot wiser! 😉 ). Finally, I reached the tip of the cliff. It was time to try to fly again. My heart pounded in my chest. I was afraid to fall to the ground. Would I break my wings again? Would the wind get sucked away from me in the blink of an eye? Would I even remember how to fly?…
Yet, courage isn’t the absence of fear. I jumped off the cliff. My wings spread and this time I felt warm hands grasping mine. Soft, warm, strong, brown hands. I looked up into the Captain’s beautiful, dark eyes. “Mahal na mahal kita” I whispered, a lump in my throat. I am so thankful for his love. “Habang buhay” he whispered and kissed my forehead. Forever us.
I hope you all are having a beautiful week and are doing well. As we shift deeper into Fall/Winter, may you greet this holiday season with a heart full of peace and love.